This month I’m a little behind because my darling son learned to crawl & I’ve been chasing him all over the house! It’s like he became the Energizer Bunny the minute he learned to crawl & neither one of us has stopped since! He’s babbling a lot more (mostly, “dadadada” but I swear he doesn’t know what it means. His first word will be “mama” dangit!). He’s went from scooching (a word? debatable.) around to crawling like a champ overnight. He’s developed a strong attachment to Mama (Daddy’s ok too) & doesn’t really like it when we’re not around. Oh, and did I mention he’s crawling??
Here come the confessions!
Time Becomes… Relative
“Can you meet me at 10:30?” Ooh. Ya. That is now a really tough question to answer. If I had to, I would answer: “Well, it depends on how he sleeps the night before, which will determine what time he wakes up in the morning, which will determine what time he goes down for his first nap, and then sometimes he sleeps for like 2 hours but other times its 20 minutes, and if he wakes up early he’ll need to go down for his next nap early, so it really depends on how he sleeps the night before. In short, I don’t know if I can meet you at 10:30.” What?? Yes. It really can be that complicated.
I’m sure some people have babies who nap nicely into 1 hour slots each morning, from 9-10am, then a nice 2 hour stretch in the afternoon, from 1-3pm. That sure would make it easy to say when you can go out. However, that is not, has never been, & I’m beginning to doubt ever will be, my son. He’s a I-follow-my-schedule-not-yours kind of kid. So, we play each day by ear. If I’ve cancelled on you, been late, or asked if you could meet early, I’m sorry. I wish I could be more dependable, but I just can’t. And by I, what I mean is that it’s Isaac’s fault. :-)
Confession: I used to be a little, well, impatient with people who didn’t follow the time rules. In my logical brain, I thought, “If you set a time, stick to it, dang it!” I would get irritated with someone who was late, or cancelled, or left early, or changed meeting times. I didn’t understand why it was so hard to get somewhere on time & stay the time you said you would. Moms you can stop laughing, because now I get it. I’ve been late, I’ve cancelled, I’ve left early, & I’ve changed meeting times. I’m sorry for ever being irritated with you, because now I get it!
What Didya Expect?
As a first time mom, I’ve realized that I have a lot of unspoken & even unrealized expectations of myself, my son, and this motherhood role. I couldn’t tell you exactly what I did expect, because I didn’t sit down and write out my list of “Expectations I Have of My Role as a Mother,” but I can tell you what I didn’t expect:
If you would have asked me before I had Isaac if I expected to be getting up (at least) twice a night with an 8 month old, I would have probably said no. Did I expect to spend 2 hours of my day getting my baby to sleep for 1 hour? Hmm, don’t think so. Did I expect caring for an infant to take so much of me- physically, emotionally, of my time? I didn’t! And I’ve had lots of experience with kids, from babysitting to nannying to having a younger sister. I’m not dumb. I realize babies are a lot of work & require a lot of attention. But being responsible for one full time is unlike anything I’ve experienced or expected.
Unmet expectations cause one of two reactions. Either you turn on yourself & think you’ve failed, or you turn on the object of your expectations & declare that they have failed. Isaac’s not sleeping through the night? Either I’m doing something wrong, or he is just a difficult baby. Not really. Maybe he’s just… fine?!? Our culture shapes our expectations of what we should feel, do, & experience as mothers, but maybe, just maybe, we don’t have to worry so much about our babies? If he’s not sleeping through the night, it’s ok. If he’s not eating 3 square meals a day, it’s ok. If he’s doesn’t like to be away from Mama, it’s ok! Our culture is good at silently telling Moms they’re doing it “right” or “wrong” by making us believe there’s one desired outcome for all babies at each stage. (Sleep through the night by 12 weeks, eat solid food by 4 months, crawl by 7 months, weaned by 1 year, etc.) The truth is that all babies are different, and really, if you, the only Mama of your baby, are ok with how he is doing, then it’s fine!!!
It’s taken me a long time to accept that I can ignore what other people (experts, friends, books, online articles, even the pediatrician, etc.) tell me I should do & do things my own way. I didn’t expect there would be all these… voices. No, I’m not going crazy. (Well…) What I mean is that there are many moms out there with very strong opinions. This way is right. That way is going to cause your child to become needy & whiny. If you don’t do this, they’ll never sleep through the night. If you do that they’ll be scarred for life. There are lots of people out there who passed the secret “How to Be a Mother” test & want to tell you all the right answers. My advice? Figure out what’s important to you, & surround yourself with real life & virtual support (no joke- I’m in a support group on Facebook & it’s been extremely helpful!!). And then ignore everyone else. You even have my permission to cover your ears & shout, “SHUT UP!!!” if you need to.
The fewer expectations you have going in, the better. The reality is that you may have a clam, “easy” baby, and you may not. You may have a social baby; you may not. Breastfeeding may work for you; it may not. You may have a great sleeper; you may not. You may have a healthy baby; you may not (yikes). You may lose your baby weight easily; you may not. The honest truth is that you may love every single second of being a mom, and you may not.
I really hope you’ve seen the TV show Wipeout. Basically it’s a race through various obstacle courses that use any mechanical parts necessary to knock you out & launch you off the course. I equate motherhood to Wipeout. It looks fun when you’ve never done it. You’re really excited & motivated to start. You think it’s going to be much easier than it really is. You get punched in the face & thrown off course often. You look at the other participants & wonder why they’re doing so much better than you. It’s exhausting. Yet, it’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever done. It’s so fun. You’d do it all over again if you could, punches to the gut and all.
Confession: It’s taken me a good 8 months to honestly say that I am confident as a mother. Up until this point, I’ve been consistently unsure & doubting myself about every little thing. It’s exhausting! I’ve had to put aside the expectations I had about what my baby should do & just let him be. I finally feel like I have accepted the way things are instead of believing I have something to “fix.” I’ve had to basically shut out anything that may make me question my methods. Friends, other well intentioned parents, strangers, my boss, experts, book & blog authors, & anyone else who is going to put doubts about my abilities in my head. I’m much happier now that I listen to fewer people. :-)
My Big Green Comfy Chair!
All the baby stuff out there can really get overwhelming for a new mom. There is so much out there! Will you really use it? Should you buy it just in case? Just because Amazon or Babies R Us has it on the “Essential Baby Registry” list, do you really need it? You’ll find what you really need as you go, but here’s what we’ve found has been most & least used for us! Now, I’m not including things like a carseat & clothes, because if you don’t know that you need those things, you really shouldn’t be a parent.
Top Used (in no particular order):
Carrier: My baby loves to be held, so a carrier is essential! (Ok, really it’s that I love having him close, but I’ll always say the other way around.) I’ve tried the Moby, Mai Tai & most recently the Ergo. I love them all. Spend the money, get one, you won’t be disappointed!
This is the Ergo & my view from the carrier!
Stroller: We loooooooove walks. Again, I think it’s me that looooooooves the walks, but Isaac doesn’t have a 
choice. Getting out of the house is essential! And as nice as it is to have a carrier, sometimes it’s equally as nice to just be a woman without a baby attached to you somehow. We have a pretty simple stroller & use it just about every day!
Lamp & Dimmer: Instead of using the over head light, or a lamp that has 3 brightness settings, we got a lamp with a dimmer. Best choice ever, especially for bedtime! You can set the mood, so to speak, instead of going bright to pitch black. Maybe we should get one for the master bedroom too, come to think of it. Woop woop! (Inappropriate.)
Sound machine/Fan: In the summer we use a fan, but for the winter we bought a Graco sound machine to cover the noises in the house while Isaac sleeps. You already feel like you have to creep around the house like a ninja so you don’t wake up the baby, but with a sound machine at least you have a little more grace. So, you don’t run the risk of waking the baby just to run the kitchen sink, or open that bag of chips, or go down the creaky stairs.
Coconut Oil: Who knew the stuff that makes popcorn so delicious would be so great for a baby! We use coconut oil for lots of things! Isaac’s butt, for one. He gets a nice wipe down with coconut oil at each diaper change, & he’s never had a diaper rash! His skin is so dry (thanks, Colorado) & we slather coconut oil all over him after baths. And of course, if the baby boy needs a mowhawk, what do you think we use? Coconut oil!
Exersaucer: Great for when they become mobile & you need to run & change out the laundry, or do some dishes. Sometimes, you just need to strap ‘em in somewhere so they won’t move.
Cloth Diapers: Ok, obviously you need diapers. But cloth has really been awesome for us! We’ve probably spent about $100 total on diapers since Isaac’s been born. We were given a bunch too, but have bought some on our own. And the awesome thing is that I don’t have to buy each week. Really, we don’t have to buy more, ever! Unless we have 10 kids and they get so worn we need new ones. But I doubt that would happen (the 10 kids, that is). We plan to use these diapers for the next howevermany babies so I would say we’ve saved a ton of money. Yes, sure, we’re trying to save the planet too, but really, it’s the money baby! :-)
My Green Comfy Chair!!! This is definitely the top, most important, most used, most essential, life-saving piece of baby equipment we have. When I go into Isaac’s room, typically twice a night these days, I pick him up, straighten him out, & we curl up on the Green Comfy Chair (GCC) while he nurses & we both sleep. I would die of sleep deprivation without my GCC. Those gliders are nice, but you need something cushy (is that word??) with soft sides & a soft back so you can sleep in it! I love you my darling GCC! You’ve saved my sanity!!!!!
Top Unused:
Toys: Isaac wants anything but actual baby toys. Cords (don’t worry: yes I know that’s dangerous), hangers, mail, socks, Grizzly (our dog), water bottles, cups, credit cards, phone books, highlighters, & baskets, to name a few things. Not to mention, Grandmas & Grandpas tend to show up with a new toy at each visit, so buying your own really isn’t necessary! :-)
Helping Mom cut coupons is so fun… He loves ripping pages from this phone book!
Mmmm highlighter… The comb is perfect: a handle for holding, spiky things for chewing!
Changing Table: Isaac gets changed right on the floor every time. That allows me to leave him to roll around & play without worrying about strapping him down to a table or risk him falling on the floor! That would happen, I swear. I can run out of the room, turn my back while his naked butt rolls around, & I don’t have a worry in the world. It’s actually quite fun to play with a naked baby crawling around the room! :-)
*Disclaimer: The morning after writing this, no joke, Isaac was happily playing naked on his belly on the floor while I was, I don’t know, picking out his clothes or something, & I turn around, and… yes. He pooped. No need for detail, but it was an interesting clean up. That’s the first time that’s happened, but I guess I should say I’m warning you!
Swing: We used the swing early on for Isaac to nap in, but that never made him nap longer than when we put him down in his crib. It was nice to have a place to put him, but at that young you can lay them on the floor & they’re not really going anywhere. He grew out of it pretty quick & when he was real little he just wanted to be held anyways. So, not really necessary.
Bottle Washing Tools: I’m sorry if you bought us this brush or bottle drying rack. You see, I have this thing called a dishwasher, & it’s quite magical. It washes dishes for you! I never wash bottles by hand, & hence these have never been opened! Sorry!
Matching Nursery decor: Fine if you want to spend extra money to hang color coordinating monkeys all over the room, but we decided not to & I think our nursery serves it’s purpose just fine! We have a dinosaur painting from Aunt Anna, a Noah’s Art rug from my aunt, a monkey mobile from my mother in law, a penguin humidifier, & polka dot sheets. If you think real hard about it, there’s a theme there somewhere…
Books: Don’t do it! I’m warning you!! Don’t give in! This is one of the few things I would do differently if I could start all over. I would not read baby books. Sure, there have been some good tidbits I’ve learned from a variety of books, but overall they’ve caused me more stress than they’ve helped. My instinct & just simply time as a mom have been more helpful than all the books in the world. I’m serious. Don’t do it.
Confession: I’ve always said I was going to keep things simple. Not spend lots of money on silly baby things. Not get carried away with baby gear. Just live with the essentials. After all, mothers around the world make do with so much less than we do. But I can’t help it! I buy unnecessary adorable swim trunks for my 8 month old. I buy 2 sound machines because I like them both. I impulse buy sippy cups & books & mesh food holder thingys so he can enjoy watermelon & ice cubes without choking. God, help me. I can’t help myself.
That’s all I’ve got for this month! This baby is really starting to cut into my blog time! I’d say he’s worth it… Until next month, enjoy the pictures from our 8 month old baby photo shoot! Hugs & kisses to all!
No comments:
Post a Comment