Ok, now keep reading.
(Really Women would work well in the title too...)
1) "You just need to get him on a schedule."
Anything that begins with, "You just need to..." is a horrible way to start a sentence.
"Just cut out dairy."
"Just get a sound machine."
"Just get on a good routine."
"Just put him in timeout."
"Just send him to bed with no dinner."
Like anytime a mom suggests her child isn't napping well, or sleeping well, or is cranky, or anything that isn't "ideal," other moms are so quick to jump in with their (what I call) magical solutions. The problem is, you lie. Nothing is a magical solution for any baby. And just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will just work for everybody else.
2) "I hate my post baby body."
I am terribly guilty of this. I look at my body now and I see it as something that has been ruined, or is in need of some major changes. We as moms talk about getting rid of stretch marks, losing the baby weight, feeling guilty for not exercising, and getting back to "normal." The truth is, this body is normal. Maybe it's a new normal, but it's normal! We (ok, ok, I) need to stop talking about our bodies as if they need fixed or improving. We can always eat a little better or exercise a little more, but let's not feed the monster by talking about our bodies as if the only thing we can enjoy is the scale decreasing. We have housed a baby in our bodies and most of us probably have the same marks to show for it. What a beautiful thing!
3) "When are you gonna have another baby?"
This goes along with the, "So when are you getting married?" for dating couples. And the, "So when are you gonna have kids?" for the newlyweds. Why do we feel the need to dig into these personal issues that are completely none of our business anyways?
You can't take a picture of you with a friend's baby without getting this question, or something like, "Ooh, looks like you need to have another!!" It's an easy question to ask. But you never know the struggle the dating partner, or the newlywed, or the mom-of-one is having when you ask that. "Well, he's questioning whether we really should get married at all," or, "Well, we have actually been trying unsuccessfully for 2 years now," or, "Well, I actually just had a miscarriage," doesn't exactly flow well of the tongue. So to save women from either smiling and pretending like everything is fine, or spouting off a very uncomfortable answer, let's just stop asking. Mmmkay?
4) "I would never do that."
Ok, so we most likely haven't said that out loud. But, confess! You've thought it before. I have too. But 'never' is a bad, bad word in relationships. Just like you probably shouldn't say to your husband, "You never buy me flowers!" because he most likely, at some point, has bought you flowers... Don't say it because it's most likely not true. I'm so guilty.
Before-Isaac-Me: "I'd never give my child french fries before at least 3." (LIE.)
Before-Isaac-Me: "I'd never drive around aimlessly for hours just to have the baby sleep." (LIE.)
Before-Isaac-Me: "I'd never lick food off my child's fingers like that. Disgusting." (LIE. But the disgusting part is still kinda true...)
Before-Isaac-Me: "I'd never nurse past a year." (Who knew? LIE!)
Before-Isaac-Me: "My child will never act like that." (LIE! Yes, my sweet child sometimes acts "like that.")
After your children are born, don't expect your rigid expectations of the perfect-mother-of-your-dreams will actually become a reality, all the time. Even now, I see older children and part of me wants to judge their mothers, but I can almost guarantee you, when Isaac is that age, I will have allowed exactly what I want to judge. And that is hypocritical and the world of mothers & women will be better off without it.
5) "My way is right and your way is wrong."
This last one is dedicated to you who use the grand world of Facebook. Whenever you post articles and links on Facebook about a certain parenting belief you have, you are virtually saying that your way is right and doing it another way is wrong. Yes, yes you are. Don't argue with me.
Mothering is hard enough, why do we need to make each other feel guilty for the choices we are making? We need to focus more on our own families rather than what other moms are doing. Why do you really care, anyway?! Whether it's about food, drink, circumcision, breastfeeding, diapers, crying, sleeping, pacifiers, or anything else involving our parenting decisions, we really need to stop trying to convince others with "scientifically solid" Facebook articles. For everything you post, I'll post something that says the exact opposite.
I realize that a lot of moms are passionate about their parenting beliefs. Which, they should be and honestly, I am too. But often it comes across as judgmental and you are actually accomplishing the exact opposite of what you want: fewer people are going to listen to you. So, maybe pick one thing and try to convince the world that everyone should do it your way. Otherwise, lay off.
Thankfully I've grown pretty confident in my parenting decisions and don't take myself too seriously anymore, but every day there are new moms who are looking for answers, and we (as the older, more experienced mothers of the world, ahem ahem) do not need to push any new moms off on the wrong foot. Let's try to be more aware and reserved in what we decide to say to other moms. There are numerous Bible verses reminding us to encourage, strengthen, and build each other up. I think we all have room to get a little better. Let's do it, Mamas!
"If anyone speaks, they should do so as one speaking the very words of God." 1 Peter 4:11
"My goal is that you may be encouraged in heart and united in love." Colossians 2:2
"Encourage one another, and build each other up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
