It's been a bit of a busy month, so I'm starting at the beginning (where all good stories start).
The second weekend in October Michael & I went to a marriage conference called "A Weekend to Remember" put on my a group called Family Life. Every time I hear the word "marriage" I think of the scene in The Princess Bride where the priest is officiating the wedding of Prince Humperdinck & Buttercup. "Mawage. Mawage is wat bwings us togeva tooday."
Ok that's not the point. I'd like to share a few brief highlights from our weekend away. (P.S. I finally made it to IKEA that weekend! Still incredibly busy & chaotic, but also inspiring & memorable! Sorry, again, that's not the point.) Here we go, for real this time:
- Our culture's pattern for mawage...ahem, marriage... is a 50/50 performance relationship. "You do your part, I'll do mine." This pattern is destined to self-destruct. What is 50% in a marriage? You think you do at least 50% all the time? So when you can't, your spouse shouldn't have to either. Both of you are disappointed, unhappy & you give up giving at all. Sounds fun. No, we need to have a 100/100 giving relationship. I give 100% of me, all the time, to the best of my ability, to my spouse, regardless of what he does for me. I've found that the more of myself I give, the more Michael gives to me. Because he truly loves me and wants to do for me what I try to do for him.
- This next point was probably the most impacting argument I heard all weekend. Simply stated, our priorities are wrong. It was argued that your marriage should be your #1 priority, no exceptions. Hear my words: Children are not the most important thing in your family. Wow. Ok, so think about where you're at in reality compared to the ideal: God first, marriage relationship second, children third, everything else, last. So we obviously don't have kids yet, so I lucked out there. But I'll be honest, I can easily fall into an "extramarital affair" if I'm not careful. Activities (busyness!), friends, materialism, career, Facebook (shh), etc. can all easily slip quietly into first place in my life. When I got married I committed to my spouse being #1 in my book. It's convicting to consider how I'm doing with this commitment!
- The idea of being on a team with your spouse was also interesting. First, we have to realize that our spouse is not our enemy. We're on the same team! Why does it sometimes seem like all we're doing is battling each other?!? We need to get better at realizing the actual enemy- the one who wants your marriage to fail. I believe that one is the devil himself. Another point I loved that deals with being on a team is this idea that Eve came from Adam's rib. She didn't come from his feet to be stepped on or his head to rule over him. Instead, she came from under his arm to be protected, near his heart to be cherished, and from his side to walk through life alongside him.
- Lastly, there was a session called "Marriage After Dark." This was a great session. They talked about........ Oh my gosh I can't write about this! My family is reading this!!! I'm blushing! Excuse me I need a minute to compose myself................. Ok, all I'll say is that we learned that a satisfying sex life is build on a foundation of companionship, commitment, passion & spiritual intimacy. Done.
