The Measure of a "Good" Mom

Do you ever have those times when you hope someone feels the same way you do, even though you're afraid to ask? You wonder if anyone is going through the same thing, but you don't want to bring it up in case they think you're crazy? Well, here we go.

There have been times in the last two years that I've felt like I'm back in high school. I've worked for peer approval, I've over analyzed criticism, I've kept "unpopular" choices to myself. If you managed to get through high school without feeling insecure, unsure of yourself, or judged, count yourself lucky. Personally, I'm glad to have high school behind me, along with the popularity contest that usually comes with it.

Or... wait. Why is it, 11 years later, I still feel insecure, unsure of myself, & judged? It's not because I'm 18 and immature; it's because I became a mom. Motherhood sometimes feels like a world of "fitting in." Am I doing it right? What would they think if they knew? Maybe I should do what she does. Maybe I need to try something different.

Makes me feel like...

There are many people who want you to believe that "good" moms do things a certain way. Good moms breastfeed. Good moms have their kids on a schedule. Good moms get their kids sleeping through the night early. Good moms never let their kids eat fast food. Good moms homeschool. Good moms feed organic foods. Good moms don't let their kids watch tv. Good moms have good kids who never misbehave. Good moms just try harder.

The truth is, being a good mom is not about what you see with your eyes. Being a good mom has nothing to do with how quickly your child sleeps through the night. How early they are potty trained, or can recite their abc's or colors. Being a good mom has nothing to do with throwing the perfect themed birthday party complete with a homemade three tiered smash cake. It's not about how your children behave in public. It's not about how cute you can dress up your child for church on Sunday. Being a good mom is not about how many professional or Instagram-worthy photos you have. Being a good mom has nothing to do with your weight or how often you exercise. It's has nothing to do with the cleanliness of your home. Being a good mom really has nothing to do with you. Being a good mom goes way beyond methods & daily practices. 

My child eats chocolate, ok??

Lots and lots of chocolate...

The interesting thing is that most of these ideas we obsess over are not biblical at all. There is no biblical mandate on how long (or even to) breastfeed, how to get your child to sleep through the night, whether or not to circumcise your boy (nope.), what brand of food to feed your children, where to send your child to school, or really any of the other methods we argue about. 

Whether or not you're a Christian, most people would agree that the Bible offers many good moral principles to live by. So what's actually in the Bible that relates to our mommy battles?  

Encourage one another. (2 Corinthians 13:11) 

Be at peace with each other. (Jesus in Mark 9:50)

Love each other. (Jesus in John 15:17 & John 13:34, 35)

Honor one another. (Romans 12:10)

Live in harmony with one another. (Romans 12:16)

"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." (Romans 14:13)

Serve one another humbly. (Galatians 5:13)

Be kind & compassionate. (Ephesians 4:32)

"How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!" (Psalm 133:1). 

Are you sure there's nothing about organic foods? Or bedtimes or crying-it-out? I double checked. I'm sure. You may eat organic food, or throw a $300 1st birthday party, or put your kids on a schedule. That's great! I'm not against methods. But hear this: Whatever you choose to do is fine, but the success or pride you have does not give you a pass to show off to all the other moms how amazing you are. I am tired of having those women in my life. They are not encouraging or gracious, & I've found my life is simply better without them. (Wow! Harsh. But true.)


What I see in the above verses is what I want to focus on from here on out. I don't want to care if people approve of my parenting choices, I don't want to try to push what I think is "right" on other moms, I don't want to compete for "Mommy-of-the-Year." I want to encourage moms to love their kids. I want to be at peace with other women. I want to love and honor and live in harmony together. I don't want to pass judgment. I want to serve and be kind & compassionate. Above all, let's aim to live in unity with each other. Can we join together in this difficult, beautiful time in our lives & encourage one another to do the best we can? If you're willing, let's do this together. Otherwise, you can take your haughty, know-it-all mama self & go find some new friends.