Phew, Isaac turned four months old yesterday! What a smart & handsome little boy we have. With that said, as I always hope to be honest, I have to say that this month has probably been the hardest one so far. Let me preface all this by admitting that I have come to accept myself as a high-strung, Type A personality. Mix that with a baby & you’re going to have some problems. I’m trying to work on becoming more flexible & laid back (a la my wonderful husband) but it’s a struggle! I have felt more busy & preoccupied with Isaac-Care this month than I did after the first weeks were over.
Happy 4 months Isaac!
If you’ve seen any of my posts on facebook or talked to me at all this past month, you probably know what this blog is going to be about…
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep: This is the one singular thing that has consumed my mind this month. It is so hard to think about anything else when you’ve got a baby who doesn’t sleep more than three hours in a row. We started out so well- he has even slept 6 1/2 hours straight before! But Isaac hit three months old & something in his little brain changed. He no longer slept well in our bed (squirm central! Sheesh!), so we moved him to his own room. After that transition there were nights we were up every. flipping. hour. You expect to be sleep deprived when you have a baby, but what you may not expect are these sleep regressions. I thought we were supposed to be getting better?? What happened?!? I’ve been left confused, frustrated, & desperate for sleep & a solution.
Isaac in his crib
What I really didn’t expect is to have these feelings of frustration & anger, along with what I admit is emotional instability. Living day in, day out by your baby’s demands is hard. Often, I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless, upset, anxious, stressed, trying to do what’s right… what’s best for my baby. Getting up in the middle of the night for the 4th time. Not being able to console a crying baby. Putting your baby to (what you think is) sleep, only for him to cry the minute you get tucked back in your warm bed. Listening to him cry in his crib & not knowing what to do. Seeing him try to scratch his eyeballs out even though you swear he’s not tired because you just spent the last hour unsuccessfully trying to put him to sleep. Shhhh-ing, rocking, swaying, patting, bouncing endlessly to try to help this little one doze off. Knowing he’s tired but fighting him to go to sleep. Sitting, crying in the hallway because you just don’t know what to do. I’ve been there.
In my half conscious state, I’ve battled feelings of not being happy with this little guy that we prayed so hard for. Then I feel guilty that I even have those feelings. Of course I’m in love with this little man, but it’s not all cute clothes, smiles, & cuddles with Mommy. There are real feelings of anger, frustration, & sadness at times. All worth it, mind you, but nonetheless, still very real.
Not to be all depressing, because this month Isaac has made us happy in countless ways as well. Coming close to laughing, rolling over, blowing bubbles, grabbing at toys & splashing in the bathtub are just a few of the many moments we love with our son. But I would be lying to you if I said it’s been all fun & easy. Michael always knows how to put it in perspective for me, & he reminds me that someday (hopefully sooner than later), Isaac will sleep through the night. He will learn to put himself to sleep, & stay asleep. It will happen. We’re just still waiting.
‘What, Mama?’
I don’t have the energy to edit this blog, so if it’s a bit disorganized, well, that’s how my life is right now so it’s actually fitting. :-)
Random Confession: I’ve started cussing at inanimate objects. I don’t usually cuss at all, really, however something has happened to my mouth. I’ve cussed at the dog for being too annoying, my coffee mug for spilling, the floor for creaking, the baby monitor for transmitting a baby cry, the truck driving by for being too loud, & the diaper for leaking. It’s not my fault, really. It’s just something that happens when one is sleep deprived. =/
Random Confession: I have been working to extend Isaac’s daytime naps, since he usually sleeps only 30-45 minutes at a time and most of the time wakes up tired. So one day, after sleeping only 30 minutes, I cuddled & tried to help my boy back to sleep, but he wouldn’t give in. So I wrapped him up in the Moby where he did fall asleep (yay!). However, I wasn’t prepared for this, so I spend the next hour and 35 minutes (yes I counted) standing in his dark room with him wrapped in the Moby with only my phone to keep me busy. And it’s no smartphone, people, as you can probably tell from my bad quality pictures. It cost me 10 bucks. I wasn’t about to leave the room (too much light), talk on the phone (too loud), go through the closet to find entertainment (too much movement), or do much of anything else but sway side to side. If that’s what it takes to get him to sleep…
Random Confession: The space heater we have in his room does not have a brain. Each time you turn it on you have to re-set the temperature you want the room to be. One time, in the middle of the night, I turned off the space heater & eventually turned it back on. It was sometime around 4am and I forgot to set the temperature. When he woke up at 7am (yes he slept 3 hours straight!!!), I walk in his room & the space heater says its 93 degrees. Oh my-lanta. I know, I know, you don’t have to say anything. Lesson learned. One known cause of SIDS is overheating, so I quickly thanked God for saving my baby then made a mental note to write a bad review about that space heater.
Hopefully by next month we’ll have some progress to report! Check back in then!
Love, Sara & Isaac
