Thankful, 1 Day Later

Ok, so I missed posting this on the actual day of Thanksgiving, but it's not because I was busy & just didn't get around to it. No, it was only because I'm trying to make a point that we should be thankful on days other than Thanksgiving too. Right. Who believes me? =)

I know a lot of people get all sentimental around this time of year, stating all the cliché things they're thankful for. I mean, that's great, but I get tired of reading the same old lists. So, I've been thinking over the past few weeks about the things I am most thankful for in my life. A real list. Things I actually thank God for on a regular basis, not things I think I should be thankful for. I hope you can spend some time thinking about those things in your life you really are thankful for, & if you don't already, start thanking God for those things on a regular basis!

• I'm amazed & grateful beyond words for salvation. I know that faith is a touchy topic, & many people get uncomfortable when you say your religion is the one true answer, but I can't express how much my soul believes in God and just knows that He is loving & the God of eternity. I didn't always believe this strongly, but God came into my life & changed me. I'm thankful He did that, & I pray eagerly that you will allow Him to change you too. I'm thankful that Jesus was more than a "good man" & He died on the cross so that I don't have to. I'm thankful God doesn't want us to follow a list of rules, but that He just wants us to give Him our lives. I'm thankful God wants my joy & He doesn't sit in Heaven waiting to zap me when I make a mistake. I'm thankful that He loves me (and you) in a way that no one else can yet He gives me people who love me temporarily until I reach Heaven. I'm thankful for faith.

"If you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord, & believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

• I'm incredibly thankful to not be a single mom. I don't know how they do it. I take care of one baby on my own for 8 hours a day, & I can't imagine doing it solo for another 16. I'm thankful to have a husband who will care for Isaac so I can shower, do my makeup, or even do the dishes! It's really hard to get anything accomplished when you have a baby to care for, and single moms always have a baby to care for. Do you know a single mom? Will you do me a favor & send her some kind of encouragement this week? Maybe just a text, or a note, or a gift, or an offer to babysit, or something to let her know how fabulous she is?

Daddy taking care of Isaac so Mama can get a shower!Just like Daddy

• I'm thankful that I already feel I live in my dream home. The story of how we got here really is amazing & I'm so thankful for every piece! I love my home. It has everything I thought I wanted in a house (well, except a hot tub, but that's something Michael & I will remedy when we can) & I don't feel like we settled at all. I'm thankful for a father in law who built us cabinets so I actually have a pantry, & a beautiful kitchen island. I'm thankful that Michael's workout equipment isn't in the living room. I'm thankful for a reading nook, walk in closet, & attached bathroom in our master bedroom. I'm thankful for our fireplace. I'm thankful for a beautiful red deck & garden area that will hopefully produce food for us next year. I'm thankful to have 4 bedrooms. I'm thankful the sewer line is fixed & we will hopefully never have to deal with that again. I'm thankful that God saved this house for us. I believe that wholeheartedly. This beautiful home was on the market for about 6 months before we came along, & we got it for a great price. I realize that a house does not run standard for young families in our country or around the world, so everyday I am thankful.

Our new PANTRY! And kitchen island! Thanks to my very talented father-in-law

Our beautiful home!

• Ok, this one might sound cliché, but I am so thankful for a handsome, healthy, sweet baby boy. I look at him when we're snuggling & my heart just cries out to God in thankfulness. He gave us this child easily (not all couples have an easy time getting pregnant), He blessed my pregnancy (no morning sickness, full term, no complications) and birth (read the story here). Now we have a wonderfully healthy boy who is growing quickly, has no major illnesses or medical concerns, sleeps well, is not grouchy (most of the time), & who rarely cries. Not to mention he's the cutest baby EVER! Sorry everyone-who's-ever-had-a-baby-boy, I win. :-)

Isaac Alexander - Thanksgiving 2012

• I'm thankful to be free from debt (except our mortgage). I'm thankful for my great grandmother who was financially responsible throughout her life so she could bless those she left behind. I'm thankful for parents who taught me the value of a dollar & made me work to earn money! I'm thankful to not have my hands tied to a credit card company or minimum payments. I know we're lucky, & we're among the few young couples who aren't tied down by debt, so for that I'm very grateful!

• I'm thankful for the Colorado sunshine. Everything gets better when the sun's out.

View from the park near our house

• I'm thankful for chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
• I'm thankful for yoga pants.
• I'm thankful for Jimmy Needham.
• I'm thankful for the color pink. It's just so awesome!
• I'm thankful for Payton Manning.
• I'm thankful for Calvary Church.
• I'm thankful for the obvious: Amazing husband, loving family, authentic friendships.
• I'm thankful for the crock pot.
• I'm thankful for 28 years & counting.
• I'm thankful for Thanksgiving.
• I'm thankful for you.

Love to everyone & Happy Black Friday!

Confessions of a First Time Mom: Month 1

Alright, people, it's time to get real here. I have some confessions to make. I am now the mother of a beautiful son, & thank God he's survived a month. (Don't worry Grandmas, each day I get more & more confident I can keep him alive.) But, the first month has been nothing like I expected- it's been better & worse than I thought it could ever be! I thought while it's still fresh, I'll try to set the record straight on the first month of mommyhood. I do acknowledge, however, that each baby, mom, & family is different, so what has been true for me may not be true for everybody!

1. Your baby is attached to you constantly... in a good way. You don't go more than a few hours without holding him, feeding him, changing him, etc. He can't survive without you, & that's kind of cool. This little being is so dependent on you & you have to learn to be attentive to his needs before anything else. It's a good lesson in selflessness, but also brings feelings of pride that this little child needs you.
Confession: I adore my son. He makes me happy in a way nothing else can.

2. Your baby is attached to you constantly... in a bad way. Ok, I know this doesn't really make sense. And it's not really bad, but, there are times when you want your body to yourself like you used to have. You were perfectly happy watching TV or doing whatever you were busy with, & you may not want to sit down & nurse, or change diapers, or walk around with a fussy baby. But you have to (see #1). I think this is just called parenthood. Giving up what you want to be attentive & caring for your children. Huh. Now's a good time to say thanks to my mom & dad.
Confession: There have been times when I don't want to feed my baby. I have almost outright refused to feed him... AGAIN...

3. Breastfeeding is HARD and anyone who tells you "it's natural," or, "you'll get used to it," or, "your baby knows what to do," or anything else remotely similar, is a LIAR. Oh man oh man I was NOT prepared for the realities of breastfeeding. Before Isaac, we were told many of those awesome little tidbits of advice above, & I will tell you now, from experience, none of them are true! It's not natural in the sense that your baby is born knowing how to suck, but as far as getting attached correctly, both you & your baby have to learn. You don't just wait & "get used to it." You're telling me I should get used to toe-curling pain, blisters on my nipples (sorry, tmi??), soreness?!? Ok, ok I'll stop there (oh but there's more...). If I were just to wait it out until I was used to it, I would have switched to formula feeding within the first week. You have to get help & support. Friends who have breastfed, support groups (I started going to a La Leche League support group which has been awesome!), & talk to your partner so he can be supportive. Without those things, I totally get why women give up breastfeeding & go to the bottle. But, I will say, having gotten over the first month, I am so incredibly glad that we have made the decision to breastfeed. It is such a special time & gives me such satisfaction to watch our little man grow & thrive. 
Confession: I understand why moms switch to formula. Breastfeeding is unnaturally hard. Freaking hard.

4. My previous love & adoration for my puppy Grizzly was quickly forgotten. Sorry, Grizz. He became more of a nuisance to me than my sweet cuddly puppy. I found myself getting frustrated with him & just wanting him out of the way. He became a fleeting thought as I was adjusting to this new role. I know as Isaac gets older, Grizzly will get more & more (maybe unwanted) attention, but right now it's hard to give him the love & attention he is so used to! I hope this doesn't happen to Isaac if we have a second child...Well anyways, we've slowly repaired our relationship & are getting back to the way things used to be, but I surprised myself how neglectful I became with him! :-(
Confession: I may have forgotten to feed my dog once. Or twice. Oops.

5. Post delivery belly is like a strange blob full of unstretched stretch marks & something that resembles pudding. It's not exactly attractive, & sure doesn't help you feel good about yourself. It's hard to accept you don't have the midsection you used to, even if people say you look good ("Ya, compared to 9 months pregnant? Thanks."). I'll get around to that exercise routine eventually. I'll start eating healthy once people stop bringing us meals & buying us takeout. My advice? Don't look. Always keep clothes on.
Confession: I tried on my pre-pregnancy jeans. They don't fit. Gah. I know, I know.

6. There's this thing that comes out in the first month, my mama friend Amanda calls it the 'Mama Bear Instinct.' I swore I wouldn't be one of those moms who is uptight about people holding her baby & won't let him be touched by dirty hands, and whatever. Well, at least in the first month, I am that mom! Don't touch him. No let me have him. I'm his mom. No you can't hold him. Especially when he was fussy, I'm protective of my time with him. I enjoy time with just him, I retreat to quiet places to be with him, I get stressed out when he's fussing in someone else's arms, & I honestly prefer to have him close to me. Since we humans are made to do this parenting thing together, as a couple, this doesn't really apply to Michael. But anyone else? Watch out! I'm a mama bear & this is my cub & I will protect him at all costs! Sorry if you were one growled at by Mama Bear!
Confession: I often wear Isaac in a sling, for many reasons, but one being so others can't hold him. I can't believe I'm confessing to that! 

This is my "No you can't hold him, touch him or take him from me" stance. :)

7. I do some things "they" say I shouldn't. There are so many so-called experts out there that will tell you what you should or shouldn't do to be a good mom. I never knew how many parenting experts there were out there! The interesting thing is that in parenting advice, there seems to be only those who camp out on the extremes. Let your baby cry it out, vs. Never let your baby cry. Pacifiers are recommended vs. Pacifiers will cause your baby to never nurse again. Don't ever rock your baby to sleep vs. Let your child sleep with you. There is so much advice out there, so many opinions, & honestly, a lot of guilt-tripping. Well you know what?? Screw you all. Ok, not really, but... really. I drink Diet Coke, I've had a pina colada, I let my son sleep with us when he's fussy, he uses a pacifier, & I've probably done many more things the "experts" say are going to seriously screw up my child. We'll see about that.
Confession: I don't miss a morning of coffee, full of the creamer made of high fructose corn syrup & fake sugar that supposedly causes cancer.

Oh my gosh, don't EVER let your child sleep on the couch!!

8. My house is a mess. When you come over, we clean it up real quick right before. Otherwise, I don't have time or really care to clean up. No pictures for this one. :)

9. I haven't cooked a meal since Isaac has been born. We've had many people bless us with meals (THANK YOU!) but on those days there are no delivered meals, we have anything from frozen pizzas to leftover food my mother in law made for us (dang, that's all gone) to something random from the pantry. Michael has cooked a few times. I'll get around to that next month.
 
So, there are my confessions. Hopefully none too bad for you to stop reading this blog. But if you do, you're not my type of reader anyways. :) Overall, having a child changes your world in a way nothing else ever will. Most things are good, some things don't really matter, & others are hard. We can't be afraid to say this time isn't easy, that we need help, that you can now keep your opinion to yourself. No one is perfect, no one's plan will result in a perfect child, & when it all comes down to it, we just need to be love & respect each other.

I plan to keep track & try to do this on a monthly basis, so check back in next month for part 2!

Happy one month birthday, Isaac!

He's smiling!! :D

Isaac's Birth Story

I'm alive! And guess what? So is our son! Our baby boy Isaac Alexander was born on 10/11/12 at 1:23pm. He weighed 6 lbs 8.8oz & was 19 inches long.

Since we planned a pretty unconventional childbirth, I'm sure there are people wondering how it all went. At least, I would be curious. Did it go as planned? How was the pain? How long was labor? Did you end up getting an epidural? Well, no, bad, about 19 hours, and no. If that's all you want to know, you can stop reading. For those of you who want a few more details, keep reading...

On Tuesday October 9th, I had an appointment with my midwives to try to figure out some natural ways to coax this boy into coming out. I was getting a little worried, he was almost 2 weeks late, & they would only give us until Friday evening before they handed us over to the hospital to be induced. So, at the appointment with the midwives, they put in a tube they call "The Balloon." It's a tube with 2 reservoirs, one that goes right inside the uterus & one right outside, which then are both filled with water. This puts pressure on the cervix to start opening up, hopefully inducing contractions & starting labor. They also gave me Cottonwood Root, which I was to take every 15 minutes. Contractions started that evening, which was promising. They were pretty regular, about every 4-6 minutes. By that time Michael was home from work, so we watched Lord of the Rings & tried to relax. We went to bed as normal to try to rest as much as possible. Sadly, around 3am, the contractions completely stopped & didn't seem to be starting again on their own. This baby just did not want to come out! 

Around noon on Wednesday, after a morning of no contractions, the midwives instructed me to take out "The Balloon" & they suggested I take castor oil. They had given it to me at our appointment the day before, with the hopes I wouldn't have to use it, but, alas, if I wanted to deliver at the Birth Center, it seemed to be our last hope. I remember the midwife saying, "You don't have to take it, but doing so will greatly increase your chances of delivering here." I did not want to drink castor oil, but the last thing I wanted was to be admitted to the hospital to be put on pitocin. The day that would happen was quickly approaching, so I decided I'd do whatever it took to get Nemo out on time! I took 2oz of castor oil, just like a shot, with Powerade as my choice of chaser. I can't describe it well, because just thinking about it makes me gag, but it was... an awful experience. It wasn't the taste, but the thick texture made it hard for my body to decide if I should chew or just swallow. Ew. It was nasty. I got my 2oz down with minor gagging, then we sat back to wait.

A few hours later, the castor oil started doing it's work. If you don't know how castor oil is supposed to work, basically it's a digestive stimulant, shall we call it, that is supposed to trigger contractions. Well, it worked. Around 6pm I started getting regular, consistent contractions. I was able to sit on our exercise ball & just rock through most of them. Soon, though, I had to get up & start moving around during the contractions, which were quickly getting stronger. Michael called our doula, Erica, who came over around 9pm. I don't remember a lot of what happened while she was at our house, but Michael said I cried when the contractions got intense, & at that time Erica decided we needed a change of scenery. We called the birth center & soon we were headed in. I do remember getting some last minute things together, saying good bye to Grizzly, & having a moment of thinking, 'Oh my gosh, this is real. What are we doing?'

We arrived at Mountain Midwifery Birth Center around midnight. The midwife checked me & said I was 5cm dilated. Yes! Part of me expected to hear a 2 or 3, since they prepare you to be disappointed at that first check. Things progressed really well, and around 5am I was 9cm & preparing to push! I remember thinking, "this kid could be born the same time I was-5:32am- if things keep going this quickly." That's one of the few things I remember clearly, oddly enough. Then the story turns... The midwives found I had a lip of my cervix that wasn't allowing it to open 100% for Nemo to start coming down the birth canal. They thought that maybe if I started to push it would open the rest of the way. Turns out that was a bad idea. Pushing when I wasn't fully dilated caused my cervix to swell. Now there was no way Nemo was coming out until the swelling went down & I was fully dilated at 10cm. So by this point, it was about 6am on October 11th, I was 9cm dilated with a swollen cervix, & contractions had considerably slowed down. For the next 6 hours, we did everything to decrease the swelling & get to 10cm. This included:

• Getting in the tub
• Walking up & down stairs
• Sitting backwards on the toilet
• Walking
• Doing squats to force him down (OUCH!!!)
• Taking more Cottonwood Root & other herbal tinctures
• Resting through contractions on the bed (sounds nice & peaceful but actually sucks!)
• Hanging from a sling attached to the ceiling
• Sitting on a birth stool

And, you guessed it, nothing worked. Not to mention, sometime after the pushing fiasco, Nemo got turned funny so he wasn't in the best position either. This meant a lot of back pain in between contractions. One thing I vividly remember is that the only person I wanted massaging my back was Michael. No one else could touch me. What a man. =)

I remember sitting on the toilet thinking, 'How long can this go on? When is it time to start thinking of other options?' We went back into our room & had a talk with our midwife, Melissa. She said she believed I could give birth vaginally, but we had pretty much exhausted all the resources at the birth center & I was a pretty good candidate for transfer to the hospital. At that point, I was so tired & grouchy, I had been 9 cm for about 7 hours, & I was fully open to heading to the hospital for an epidural so I could rest. I thought I would be disappointed with a transfer, but I was so ready for something to change that I was actually eager to go. My thought at that point was, 'Ok, how long will this take?'

We drove over to Swedish Hospital around noon, & I settled quickly into a delivery room. They hooked me up to monitors & gave me the tube to start the IV. One of the nurses said it would be about 15 minutes for the epidural, & I remember whining a bit like a child at that point. She said she could get some other pain meds in me before then, & I calmed down a bit. At that time, I was on my side holding onto the bed handle for dear life. Suddenly I could feel a contraction coming & I may have started to cry before I actually felt it, but this one was different. I had some normal contraction pain, but near the end I felt this new sensation that a bowling ball was coming out of my butt & I just couldn't help but try to push it out. I hadn't felt this type of contraction before! I saw my doula & midwife look at each other with a curious look. They eagerly suggested that I be checked again & sure enough, I was 10 cm dilated & Nemo was on his way out! Like a movie, the nurses quickly prepared the room for a delivery instead of an epidural. They got Dr. Hall, who we had met once previously, and within a few minutes I was pushing again with the next contraction. In all, I pushed through probably 4 contractions, maybe about 20 minutes, & out came Nemo!

So we did end up with our unmedicated birth, although it didn't quite happen the way we envisioned. But everything happened just the way it was supposed to, & our little man Isaac is now here. It's true what people say about labor: you really do forget a lot of the pain. I remember being in pain, but I can't necessarily bring myself back to what it was like. I do remember thinking at one point, 'Ok, now I understand why women get epidurals.' I even mentioned to Michael that I'm not sure I would do a natural birth again the next time around. Haha, I guess we'll have to wait and see on that one. If I learned one thing, it's this: If you're stuck in labor, take a drive. 

Regardless of how it happened, our experience, and our baby boy, are both perfect! I clung to this verse throughout our experience, & can see now how perfectly it fits with what labor & childbirth is like.

John 16:21 says "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."

We thank God on a daily basis for such a wonderful, perfect, beautiful, precious blessing. We are so unworthy of this gift, but pray hard that we will be good stewards of what God has entrusted to us for this short time we live on earth. Yay for babies!

What a woman looks like after a REAL labor! No makeup, awful hair. But look at my happy baby. All worth it. =)

Happy little family

Daddy & Son