Confessions of a First Time Mom: Month 2

Alright so Isaac turned 2 months old on the 11th, & I’m just now getting around to posting this. When you read through this & get to the one about expectations, you’ll understand why. The blog hasn’t exactly been my top priority lately! However I have been thinking about things I must confess to in my 2nd month of being a mom, & I’m afraid the list is long! I’ve narrowed it down to the most important things I’ve learned through surprises & mistakes this last month. The list continues to grow, so I’m sure I’ll be back again next month… Or maybe the month after… Enjoy & the only rule is no making fun! ;-)

Baby Gadgets: Who knew you needed so much stuff to care for a baby? We have all kinds of things to help us carry him, feed him, clean him, soothe him, etc. And while some are simple (um, yes I know how to insert this here pacifier), many of these baby gadgets are more complicated than a computer & as a first time mom you have to learn how to use them! Case in point: Have you ever tried to use these nursing covers? It’s a big square of fabric with a strip that hangs from your neck so you can discretely nurse your baby in public. What a JOKE. Discretely? I put this brightly patterned fabric over my head, first of all. Then I have to put my baby under it, get half undressed, get him attached, & make sure nobody sees in, all while the fabric makes it impossible to see what I’m doing. Right. I’ll just go in a bathroom stall thankyouverymuch. Next: Baby swings. Awesome for helping little Isaac get to sleep, but who knew you had to replace expensive batteries every week? Save your money for a year before you get pregnant to pay for batteries for your baby swing. Swings love batteries. There’s more: Baby carriers. I love the Moby but I had to practice many times in the mirror with a stuffed animal before I felt comfortable putting Isaac in it. Bath tub: It says this back rest thing is supposed to click into the tub & hold him up somehow, but we have yet to figure out how that works. I’ve watched a lot of kids & still had a learning curve on all these baby products. Just be prepared to feel like an idiot.

 I mean, he’s ok, right?

Confession: One day, Isaac & I were going on a walk in his stroller. We left the garage & I put the locks on the wheels so I could punch in the code on our garage door to close it. As I get the code & the door starts closing, I turn back around & the stroller is rolling down the driveway. Stroller locks! How difficult can that be! Ok, so I run after my son rolling away from me & catch him before he gets too far. What’s my first reaction? Of course- to look around and see if any of the neighbors saw. I don’t think they did… Isaac is fine, I learn my lesson on how to operate stroller wheel locks, & now the world will know the Mom of the year is right here.

He loves the stroller! I promise! No PTSD. 

Adult Gadgets: Put down the technological devices. This includes anything with a screen. There’s a huge temptation to check email, facebook, blogs, watch TV, etc. while home alone with the baby, especially while you’re nursing for hours a day. You feel like you have do be doing something, like you can’t just be sitting there. But, I’m giving you permission. Yes! You can just sit there! These are some of the most precious moments with your baby. When you watch him falling asleep, smirking, sneezing, nursing, yawning, choking (yes my son chokes a lot & yes I still think it’s cute), you develop this bond & love for him that I guarantee won’t happen if you’re checking facebook for the gazillionth time that day. And anyways, I promise that nothing that exciting happens on facebook. Especially not in 30 minutes since the last time you checked. Your baby is more important than the internet.

Confession: I’m not the best at taking my own advice. But I’m trying to develop a twice a day relationship with facebook & email.

You don’t want to miss this.

Baby Fluids: Watch where you sit in our house. Spit up has gotten on the couches. Isaac has peed everywhere, including on his face. Luckily I haven’t been peed on yet. As much as you think your baby is going to be clean, & no matter how gross you think it is that baby fluids will get all over your home, it’s going to happen. Baby is messy. Get used to it.

Confession: Isaac pooped on our bed. Yes, right on the bed. Hey, it was 3am & I had to pee. In the middle of the night your mind only sort of works & I wasn’t exactly thinking he would poop on the bed before I got back. Take off your nice comforter. It might also happen to you.

Right about here is where the pooping incident took place…

Wake Up!: I will never, almost never, wake a sleeping baby. You just can’t convince me that’s a good idea. Some baby trainers will tell you to wake them every so often to eat, so they will get on a schedule & sleep thru the night. And maybe it works. Maybe people who wake their sleeping babies have little ones who sleep 10 hours straight through the night at 8 weeks. But, I just won’t take that chance. If he’s sleeping, he’s tired, right? So why wake him when he’s not ready? Granted, sometimes it would be nice for him to not be sleeping. Like, when he’s in your arms & your left foot fell asleep 30 minutes ago. Or, when he’s napping sweetly wrapped snuggly in your carrier and you have to pee…

Confession: I have gone to the bathroom with Isaac in the carrier.

Please don’t wake up… please don’t wake up…

Don’t touch him. He might wake up. 

Here’s a few more serious ones…

Expectations: This is probably one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced so far, but something I’m glad to be learning. Let me state it plainly: Lower your expectations of yourself. You’re going to think that life should get back to the way it was at some point. But, it doesn’t. You’re going to start thinking you need to be Mrs.. Homemaker now that you’re home with this baby. That you should be able to make dinner, do your breakfast dishes, pick up the house (where did all this stuff come from anyways?!?) & remember to pay the 40 bills you got from the hospital. But you know what, you just can’t. And you won’t understand what you do all day & where all the hours go. There will be days where you don’t do anything other than care for your baby. And you know what? That’s ok. Dishes can be left in the sink. The floor doesn’t need to be mopped. You can eat out or eat frozen pizza. Getting “back to normal” will come, but will probably take years, not months. Not to mention if you’re going back to work, even part time, you’ll need to have even more grace with yourself. I started working from home, part time, & still I’m lucky if anything around the house gets done before Michael gets home. It’s hard but I have to start accepting the fact that I can’t do it all, I have to ask for help, & there are things just won’t get done today. But I’m learning to be ok with that because my baby is more important than those things. I love this quote from Dr. William Sears: “Your baby doesn’t compare you with other mothers. To your baby, you are the best mother.”

Confession: I have a Laura Ingalls fail to share. In “Little House in the Big Woods” Ma has a weekly schedule where every day has a different task. What a great idea! Monday will be laundry day, Tuesday grocery store day, etc. (Can you tell I’m Type A?!?) I had this whole schedule set for the week, where each day I would focus on different tasks around the house. My house was going to be clean, dinners were going to be planned, papers would never pile up, & laundry would always be done. Do you want to know how long that lasted? It didn’t ever start. I actually think it’s a great idea, but, again, that’s in a few years, not in a few months!

Napping while Mama works.

He doesn’t always sleep! Sometimes you just can’t ignore him! :-) 

Oh Hubby: So, there’s an interesting thing that happens when you bring a baby into your life. Your relationship with your spouse takes a bit of a beating. Our goal is to put our marriage first, but as we’re adjusting to life with a baby, he sort of automatically takes priority these first few months. As a mom, your every minute is about the baby. You’re listening for him, wondering if he’s hungry, making sure he’s not being suffocated by the blanket, & generally thinking about him all the time. And your husband… is probably not. It’s not that he doesn’t care, but he’s just waiting for the day when they can throw a ball together. He is most likely not experiencing the impact of this child in the same way you are. He can still do a lot of the things he did before Baby came & his life just hasn’t changed the way yours as the mom has. This may create some mixed feelings towards your husband. I don’t want to call it resentment, but it’s something leading up to that. You’re the one fulfilling most of the parenting role at this stage, so accept that but don’t let it grow into resentment towards your spouse. Recognize that he might have some resentment-type feelings towards you as well. I mean, as the mom, we are developing this amazing relationship with the baby, we spend most of our time with him, & when the baby is upset he’s probably better soothed by mom. Realize that your life has done a 360, & his has done a 180. The rest of the change will come in time. Give Dad lots of Baby time, ask for help, & learn to love & encourage the bond between them.

Confession: Michael said to me once, “I think I’m falling behind on sleep.” And I almost killed him. On the spot.

Look at how he loves his Daddy. Remember these moments.

 Physical Appearance: So for some reason I was under the impression that I wouldn’t be struggling with body image at this point. Of course I understood that I wouldn’t lose all the baby weight by now, but I never expected my body to be this… different. Without going into details, I’ll just tell you that it’s a struggle you’d rather ignore. It’s like you know you just went through this amazing physical transformation to produce this beautiful life, but now that this beautiful life is on the outside, you struggle with why your body hasn’t gone back to the way it was before. It sounds silly but part of you thinks that 8 weeks is a looooooong time & you’re a bit discouraged it still looks the way it does. Not to mention you’re probably eating out a lot more, not getting enough fresh fruits & veggies, & using the breastfeeding-burns-the-equivalent-of-running-4-miles-a-day excuse to eat lots of desserts (no? just me?). AND you have this crying child that needs your attention right in the middle of washing your face each morning. Good luck doing your hair & makeup as you used to. Get used to getting ready in 15 minutes flat on a daily basis. 20 if it’s the weekend & your hubby can watch the crying child. Everything about you physically is just different and it’s a process to accept!

Confession: I would like to have a serious, private “conversation” with whoever though it was a good idea to get regular models for nursing bras. She doesn’t have a flabby belly, she’s wearing makeup, her hair is curled (gasp!) & she’s probably not tired at all. She’s most likely never even had a baby. And here I am, 6 weeks postpartum, looking at her. I’m pretty sure half the models have been picked up by Victoria’s Secret. Evil. Pure evil.

So, there you have it. I want to say that although a lot of these adjustments & changes are hard, it’s completely worth it!

Isaac says later y’all! See you next time!