Confessions of a First Time Mom: Month 10

So, I’m a bit late. But in case you didn’t know, we’re moving, so I’ve been a bit busy lately. Therefore, this post is late… and short…

Either way, I can quickly think of many ways Isaac has changed & grown this last month. He is typically down to one waking at night. One, people! That’s awesome! He slept through the night once (7pm-6am). He is cruising along furniture, “talking” a lot more, drinking from a straw, & “telling” us what he wants (with grunts & arm pointing). He’s found his tongue & likes to play with it. He can now open some lids (uh-oh). He went to his first Rockies game. He finished his first series of swim class. He’s learning the value of entertaining us & making us laugh. He put a bowl over his head & was talking into it & then fake laughing while I’m sitting next to him cracking up. He falls face first into a pillow then comes up for air checking to see if we’re watching. Oh, and he’s very talented at doing headstands. 

 

 

 

 

That’s Gross… Just Not to Me

Think back to before you had kids. Or if you don’t currently have them, think about your reaction when you see a mom give her baby a drink of her water then take a swig herself. I know! Disgusting! It’s like you want to walk over to her and say, “Excuse me, lady, but you do know that your baby practically just spit in that water you’re drinking, right??” Then you walk away, muttering under your breath, “When I’m a mom I will never do that.” Or maybe you’ve seen moms “share” a meal with their slobbery baby? Like, you take a bite, I take a bite. Same thing. Maybe you’ve known the mom who shares a plate of food with her baby, or lets baby feed her bites of mashed up, squashed baby food (‘Aww it’s so cute!’) or “cleans up” her baby’s tray by eating the half-eaten, practically regurgitated leftovers. Sickening. I am so grossed out when I see other moms do this! Who wants to eat baby slobber?!?!

Oh wait. That’s me.

Something changes your perspective when it’s your baby’s slobber. Gross in theory, still, but not so much in practice anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like to watch other moms share baby spit, but I now do it all the time. But before I go any further you must know that sometimes I do draw the line. There is only so much slobber sharing any mom can handle. But, I have to admit that it’s cute watching Isaac reach for my water bottle & learn to drink. I do feed him off my plate sometimes. With my fork. I do think it’s cute when he feeds me pieces of his food. What’s happened to me?!?  :)

Confession: I have cleaned up Isaac’s high chair tray by munching on the leftovers. Hey, I don’t want to see food go to waste! Plus, that’s like a half a slice of peach that hasn’t really been eaten. Or some cheese cubes that I really don’t think he’s touched. The worst is this: I have “cleaned up” macaroni & cheese from the kitchen floor after Isaac so haughtily refused to eat it. Hey, when you spend $5 on a freaking kids meal, that deliciousness is not going to waste. Plus, 5 second rule. Totally acceptable.

Mommy Brain

I know you probably think moms use this as an excuse to do stupid things & just blame their babies. Which, ok, might be true. But, I swear having Isaac has changed my brain chemistry most of the time (ok, some of the time) it truly is not my fault that I say or do dumb things. I don’t know if it’s the constant tiredness, the fact that you have less adult interaction than you used to, or the repetitive nature of wake, play, sleep cycle every day is affecting your brain. But something happens & you find yourself saying things that you later regret. “Did I really just say that??”

Next time a mom you know uses that excuse, instead of rolling your eyes & muttering, “sure” under your breath, give that mama a hug & buy her some coffee. I guarantee she needs it. :-)

Confession: I typed a large portion of this blog a few weeks ago & didn’t save it. I have gone to the grocery store with a handful of coupons & forgotten to use them at checkout. When Isaac was at his pediatrician, I didn’t bring enough diapers so I wrapped a spit rag around his bum & called it good. When the pediatrician looked at me funny, I just smiled and said, “We use cloth diapers.” I have seriously had this thought before going to an event: Ok, Isaac needs to nurse but we’re also hoping that he’ll sleep in the car on the way there… Oh! I’ll just nurse him in the car on the way there! Umm, Sara, that’s illegal.

That’s all I’ve got for now! As Isaac nears the end of his first year I’m already reflecting a lot on what I’ve learned & how much he has grown! I can’t wait to share my thoughts with you! When there’s a bit less going on in our lives, that is. :-) Until next month, bye bye from my little 10 month old!

Confessions of a First Time Mom: Month 9

This has been a great month for me, personally. I really feel like I’ve turned a corner in dealing with anxiety & stress over how things are going with Isaac. It’s so interesting because I swear the day I stopped worrying so much was the day things seemed to start to become more predictable. Isaac is waking 1-2 times per night, will eat & go right back to sleep (well, usually). He usually naps 2-3 times a day, & he’s finally getting a little more predictable. I just haven’t worried as much, and therefore I have less to worry about. It’s amazing the way that works!

Isaac has learned so many new skills this month! He’s copying us, which is so adorable. He can shake his head, fake cough, wave (although that one is still a bit unpredictable), clap, & copy a few other noises. He’s a crawling machine but more than that he’s pulled himself up on furniture & he tries to pull himself up on anything: couches, tables, his high chair, his exersaucer (which is funny because it rolls), and mom & dad. I swear he even balanced on his own for like 2 seconds last week. He’s crawling up the stairs, getting into everything, saying dadadadada all the time, dancing (well, what I think he’s doing is dancing), & generally being quite entertaining. This is a really fun age!

 Back in Shape

I’ve felt for awhile that I need to get back in shape. Start eating healthier, exercising, you know, the stuff we all know we should be doing but usually don’t. But let me tell you… uuuuugggggghhhhhhhh. That’s all. It’s the working out thing that’s really tripping me up. Well, that and giving up Oreos. Can’t a woman just be flabby and happy?!? Apparently not. Thanks a lot American culture of Skinny-Is-Beautiful!! You suck.

Although I would like to say that I’m starting a new routine where I’m going to start running & eating salads every day, I’ll tell you right now that’s never gonna happen. I equate running to a form of torture, & salads are good but are better when covered with Ranch. So, my plan is little bitty baby steps.

1) Drink more water! I’m horrible at drinking water! My goal is to drink 3 750ml water bottles of water per day. That’s really a stretch.

2) Eat smaller portions. We do a fairly good job of eating healthy. I taught a healthy foods class for 3 years so I hope I would know something about eating right. But it’s not so much the actual food as it is the amount. I get so hungry by dinner that I pile my plate & of course have to eat the whole portion. A healthy late afternoon snack (fruit or veggies: Oreos don’t count!) should help me eat a little less at dinnertime. I probably shouldn’t be consuming more than my husband…

3) Exercise. Bleh. I know you can’t really lose weight without exercising. But what do you do if you hate exercising?! The only realistic thing I can think of is the start small. I wonder if I could do this circuit every day:

100 Burpees

50 Push Ups

100 Crunches

100 Lunges

100 Jumping Jacks

4) This one is sad, but oh-so necessary. I love sweets. But I do realize that a diet of chocolate covered anything, cookies, & ice cream probably aren’t helping me. It’s completely unrealistic for me to give up sweets (why would anyone want to do that anyways?!) but I probably don’t need a lunch-dessert and a dinner-dessert. So, one sweet treat per day! What a sacrifice!!!

Confession: Ok so I haven’t actually started this plan yet. But, now that it’s written & made public, I’ll start… today?! Tomorrow. Monday. No! Today! (Which means tomorrow.)

Baby Led Weaning!

I’m trying not to attach myself to too many methods, with all their rules & guidelines, but this one is great! In all honesty, this one is probably just more natural anyways. I’m sure babies were fed this way forever & we just now are attaching a name to it. To explain, I have to start with my confession:

Confession: I made a ton of homemade baby purees. Sweet potatoes, peas, green beans, carrots, avocadoes, etc. From scratch! I sliced, diced, steamed, tested, blended, stored, labeled & cleaned like a mad woman. Look at me all healthy & frugal. I was so proud of myself. I even thought about filming myself for a youtube video to show all you inexperienced moms how to make the perfect baby purees. That is, until Isaac refused to eat any of it! Little punk!  So we decided to try something different…

Basically instead of feeding purees, you allow your baby to feed themselves. I bought little baby puffs from the grocery store because I had a coupon (remember I’m frugal), & I noticed that one day that Isaac was grabbing the puff & putting it in his own mouth. I didn’t realize he was able to do that because I had been putting foods in his mouth for him since the beginning. So we started with puffs & here he is, eating basically whatever we eat, just a little modified.

I can take chunks of what we’re eating (a sausage, potato & pepper skillet for example), & take out the main ingredients before I add any spices or sauces. I make sure everything is cooked really well (a la mushy), has no salt, sugar, etc, & I put it on his tray & he goes to town. We all eat together, which I love. He can basically eat whatever we eat & it’s much easier! One warning: this method is awesome, but very messy!!!! (Which is kind of fun…)

Cheerios 

Avocados are a favorite. And sometimes he gets a bit in his mouth…

Bread

Messy, messy, but delicious oatmeal 

Um, you have a blueberry stuck to your chin.

Isaac has had so many foods it’s hard to keep track!  We’re hoping he won’t be a picky eater when he’s older!

 Every Stage is the Hardest. Every Stage is the Best.

If I never have to hear something like this again, it will be too soon: “Oh, it was so nice when mine was that age. That’s the best age. You don’t know what it’s like to have a teenager. I’d give anything to go back to the little phase.” I’ve had friends, acquaintances, & even old ladies at the grocery store tell me I better enjoy this phase because apparently it only gets worse! Sheesh, people, I didn’t realize being a parent to a child over the age of one sucked so bad. 

Let’s all try a little harder to enjoy whatever phase we are in right now: childless, with little ones, teenagers, or empty nesters. I know sometimes it’s not easy. Trrrrrrust me. I know. Every stage comes with it’s difficulties. Every stage is hard. I’m sure we’ll face challenges at every new phase. But believe it or not each stage is also the best. You’ll never experience this again. First it’s, 'I can’t wait for him to sleep through the night.’ Then, it’s, ‘I can’t wait for him to be out of diapers.’ Then, ‘I can’t wait for him to be in school.’ Then, ‘I can’t wait for him to be a little more independent.’ Then, ‘I can’t wait until he’s out of this awkward tween phase.’ Then, ‘I can’t wait for all this adolescent drama to be over.’ Then, suddenly, he’s out of your house forever & you just want him back. Don’t live like that. You won’t cuddle in the middle of the night forever. You won’t have to answer the incessant “why?” forever. You won’t have to pretend to be interested about the friendship & relationship drama at school forever. You won’t get to have them under your roof forever. So please, whatever phase you’re in, accept that there are challenges. Yes, it’s hard. But it’s also wonderful & worth relishing in.

Confession: If you’re a parent & you’ve said that you wish you could go back in time, stop it. If you’ve said that your child is at the worst age, stop it. If you’re one of the bazillions who say, “My child is growing up too fast!” I know it probably feels true, but stop it! If you’ve said anything like, “You just don’t understand how hard my child is,” you really need to cut it out. I am annoyed with you. That’s my confession & I’m kind of sorry.

Not every stage has been easy for us, but if you look, there are amazing & wonderful things in each & every moment. I promise you.

Why Not?

Ok, ok, I know I only have a baby, so I don’t really have to deal with discipline or guidance yet, as my life with Isaac basically exists of keeping him entertained without hurting himself all day. But lately I’ve seen all these parents who try to direct every little detail of their child’s existence. Like, I was at the park & this dad was telling his child how to play on the playground. In restaurants I hear parents tell their children how to eat their dinner. I hear parents tell their kids not to do something that even I want to ask, “Why not?”

I get that you need to guide & direct your children’s behavior. I understand that you have to teach your children how to get along in the world. I see how putting limits on what they can & can’t do is important. But why can’t he climb up the slide backwards? Why can’t she play with your pile of magazines? Why can’t they explore the world (including the dishwasher, the grass, the pile of whatever) for themselves a bit & figure a few things out on their own? Doesn’t it get tiring putting all that energy into telling your child what they can & can’t do? Instead of putting my precious parenting energy towards such little things, I’d like to save it for the big things. Like teaching my child to be a good friend. To teach him to be unselfish & not greedy. To love Jesus & decide to live for his faith. To make a positive impact on the world. I guess I’m just a bit more open with what Isaac can get into, because I believe there are bigger things to worry about.

So what if he wants to pull all the DVDs off the shelf? It’s not the worst thing in the world if I have to pick them all up…

He loves to get into Grizzly’s basket, including the bag of dog treats. Ok, fine! Just don’t eat one! On the other hand, I’m sure it wouldn’t kill you…

My way does have a few dangers of it’s own, however…

Confession: I can’t believe I’m going to say this. Um, ah, well, I have an excuse, but, ok, here goes…

Isaac has fallen down the stairs. Literally, tumbled.

Oh the horror! The guilt! What a horrible Mommy moment! Long story short: Before I realized how quickly he learned to quickly move, Isaac was playing in the hall. I come out to get him after like 5 seconds of not supervising (it’s not an exaggeration! I’m serious!), & all I see are his legs sticking up & his top half already headed down the stairs. I scream, run to him to try to catch him, but he’s flipping & bumping down the stairs, just out of my reach. He lands at the bottom & is of course crying (maybe because I’m frantically screaming my head off), but he calms down in less than a minute while I’m still worked up wondering if I should call an ambulance. He seemed surprisingly ok, but I watched him like a hawk for the rest of the night to see if I could spot any signs of traumatic brain injury. Thank GOD our stairs are carpeted & thank the good LORD above that my baby is ok. You better believe there will be no more playing in the hallway.

Ok, is this bad? But I have a second confession… Maybe I should reconsider my opinion on being more open with what your kids get into… Anyways.

We painted our bathroom this month, so we had brought everything out & put it in our bedroom while the bathroom was being painted. The morning after, Isaac is playing in the bedroom (with the door to the hallway CLOSED, mind you), while I’m getting ready. I’m in the closet getting dressed & I peek my head out to see what he’s getting into, & he’s got the toilet cleaner brush. I gasp & run buck naked out of the closet, trying to cover myself with one hand as I attempt to sneak under the open window, hissing, “dear God Isaac no! Please no!” and grab the brush, slightly gagging in the whole process. There are a few things that should be off limits...

But I’m doing a good job, right?!?

Can he play well with others? Can he be a good friend? Those are things I really care about! 

 

Well, that’s it for this month! I keep thinking this whole “confession” thing has got to slow down at some point. Yet, here we are, 3/4 of the way to a year & each month I have more missteps, hang ups, frustrations, joys, & accidents to report! So I’m sure we’ll be back next month with more. Until then…

 “The Lord bless you & keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you & be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you & give you peace.” 

Summer O’ The Baby

Summer is always a fun time of year! BBQs, late night kickball or frisbee games, day hikes, long weekends away, tanning by the pool, late afternoon naps in the hammock. Ahh. Snap back to reality. You have a baby now, sista! That pretty much nixes everything except BBQs & a quick late afternoon nap.

I love staying home. I honestly do. But we get hot & bored sometimes. Ok, fine, I get hot and bored. I came up with a list of things to do that are baby friendly, take 3 hours or less, & don’t involve a lot of computer, TV, or prep time! Here’s our list, from cheapest to most expensive. A full summer for around $300, give & take my spending mood of the day… What a fun summer we have in store!

Park: Free!

We do a walk to the neighborhood park basically every day. And all Isaac can really do is the baby swing, but it’s a wonderful way to get out of the house without using the car!

Littleton Museum: Free!

I hear this museum has a petting zoo & probably some other stuff too. I know nothing about it except the name but think any museum with animals is good for me!

Splash Park: Free!

There’s a Splash Park in Centennial with outdoor water features & it looks really fun! It’s about 30 minutes from our house, which is pretty far when you’re talking infant-in-a-carseat, but I think we’ll try it out anyways!

Baby Story Time at the Library: Free!

Every Friday the Columbine Library holds an infant story time for 1 hour.

Work in Garden: Free!

You should see the expanse I call Weed-Land (Not that kind, I’m growing legally thank you very much). It needs some TLC! Isaac can sit in his exersaucer or play in the pool with basically no water, or roll around & eat grass. Any of those are perfectly acceptable to me.

Bake treats for self or neighbors: Free!

This has to be on a cool day because we don’t have A/C. So this might not happen. Just warning you.

Make cards for family: Free!

Even though he can’t write, I know family would love to get cards “from” Isaac. Even if he holds the crayon & I move the paper, I’m sure it brings the grandparents back to the days of '’Hang my art on the fridge!’

Finger Paint: Free!

Figure out how to make edible paint (or watch very closely) while baby paints (hopefully) the paper.

Playdates with other Mommy friends: Free!

Nothing like getting together with other mamas & letting our babies play together!

Photo shoot: Free!

Who wouldn’t love to dress up a cute boy & snap some photos! Requires: cute clothes, a good nap, a baby in a good mood, & a nice backdrop!

Blanket & new toys outside in shade: Free!

Sometimes going outside, even if it’s your own backyard, helps to feel like your day is different than the norm. Bring toys he hasn’t played with in awhile, a spray bottle to keep cool, a popsicle, & just hang out in the shade!

Dog Park: Free!

Isaac loves to try to catch Grizzly & pet (aka grab & pull) him, so I’m sure he would love to see other dogs too! Plus, Grizzly would love me forever if I let him go to the dog park.

Water play: Free!

We call this a “sensory activity” that I picked up somewhere online. Get a bowl full of water, & play with measuring cups, pitchers, & other toys. Baby learns the difference between 1 cup and 1/4 cup (…or something).

Walk around the mall: Free!

Sometimes you just need a little A/C! I may treat myself to a shake or something, but otherwise free!

Hike: Free!

Hello, I live in Colorado. I should hike like every day.

Workout video: Free!

Ugh working out. Well, if I’ve got a free afternoon I’m sure Isaac wouldn’t mind watching Jillian Michaels kick my ass. Scuse the language.

Crochet & let Isaac play with yarn: Free!

I have tons of projects in mind for the Fall & really need to get started! I’m sure playing with yarn will keep Isaac occupied for all of 5 minutes.

Volunteer at AIDS Walk: Free!

Ok, so don’t hold it against me that our “volunteer” opportunity is required for work. Whatev. We’re giving our weekend to a great cause & helping our clients is just a secondary benefit! Right?!

Bear Creek Park: Free?

Never been, should probably go since I think I live really close…

Museums: Free?

There’s gotta be more museums around here that I can take my son to, but obviously I’m not the educational champ that I should be because I don’t really know where they are. I’ll find them before the summer is over!

Surprise Dad for Lunch: Dad pays. Free for us! :-)

And by “surprise” I mean call him in the morning, tell him not to eat lunch because we’re going to lunch at 2pm after Isaac wakes up from his nap… Someday we’ll eat at normal times again.

Sprouts for groceries & sushi: Grocery Budget!

I love Sprouts (formerly known as Sunflower). They have great bulk dry goods & great produce. They also have a patio where we (by we I mean I) can enjoy some of their great sushi for lunch!

Zoo: Free! (Guest Pass); $80 annual membership

Thanks to friends who have guest passes!

Aquarium: 2 Free passes! Or $17/adult

We have 2 free adult passes that we’ve had for a long time that I must use this summer!

Bubbles: $1

What baby doesn’t like bubbles? And thanks to the trip to the dollar store, we should be entertained for all of 10 minutes!

Gymnastics $4

The local rec center offers drop in gymnastics for 9 month olds, so on July 11th we’ll try it out!

Dollar Store: $5

Who can’t find a treasure at the dollar store?!

Marble painting: $5

Do you remember when you were a kid, putting paper in a shallow tray, dropping some paint in & rolling marbles around? Isaac may be young but I’m eager to pass on the fun! I don’t think we own marbles or a shallow tray, or paints for that matter, so a shopping trip is in order first!

Baby Pool in Backyard: $7.99 for pool

Babies R Us has cheap baby pools that hopefully will entertain Isaac for awhile on a hot afternoon!

Pinterest Craft: $10

How many DIY ideas do you have pinned? Now, how many have you actually done? How about actually doing one?! Wow! Novel. Gotta pick a baby friendly, quick craft but hopefully I’ll have one done by summer’s end!

Thrift Store: $10

I love thrift shopping. As long as I have a budget. So, $10 it is, to find “something for Isaac.”

Fireside Books & Coffee: $4 for coffee & $15 for books

There’s this awesome used book store/coffee shop close to us that I think would be the perfect way to spend an afternoon! I’ll get a coffee & pretend to look at children’s books while I buy myself 5 or so new (used) books!

Farmer’s Market: $20

Are there Farmer’s Markets open during the week? I’ll find out & if so, we’ll go grocery shopping!

Sweet Beginnings Class: $45 for 5 classes

This local store holds classes like Baby Sensory, Music classes, Tyke Gymnastics, & Yoga classes! I never thought I’d spend money on stuff like this but I guess that’s what being a stay at home mom will do to you!

Mommy & Me Swim Class $48 for 10 classes

Registered for 2 classes per week for 5 weeks, starting July 8th!

Rockies Game: $50

We love baseball!!! We need to instill the love in our son before his first birthday. No questions.

Swimming: 24 Multi Visit Punch Card $94

We have the best kid’s pool close to our house that we’ll have to go to often this summer!

Rec Center: Part of 24 Multi Visit Pass; $3.50/hour childcare

There’s a cardio room, weights, fitness classes, & childcare! Like I would workout for more than an hour, so I would only pay $3.50 for Isaac.

So, there you have it! 38 things to do this summer. Anything else you’d add! Leave a comment with your suggestions!

Confessions of a First Time Mom: Month 8

This month I’m a little behind because my darling son learned to crawl & I’ve been chasing him all over the house! It’s like he became the Energizer Bunny the minute he learned to crawl & neither one of us has stopped since! He’s babbling a lot more (mostly, “dadadada” but I swear he doesn’t know what it means. His first word will be “mama” dangit!). He’s went from scooching (a word? debatable.) around to crawling like a champ overnight. He’s developed a strong attachment to Mama (Daddy’s ok too) & doesn’t really like it when we’re not around. Oh, and did I mention he’s crawling??

Here come the confessions!

Time Becomes… Relative

“Can you meet me at 10:30?” Ooh. Ya. That is now a really tough question to answer. If I had to, I would answer: “Well, it depends on how he sleeps the night before, which will determine what time he wakes up in the morning, which will determine what time he goes down for his first nap, and then sometimes he sleeps for like 2 hours but other times its 20 minutes, and if he wakes up early he’ll need to go down for his next nap early, so it really depends on how he sleeps the night before. In short, I don’t know if I can meet you at 10:30.” What?? Yes. It really can be that complicated.

I’m sure some people have babies who nap nicely into 1 hour slots each morning, from 9-10am, then a nice 2 hour stretch in the afternoon, from 1-3pm. That sure would make it easy to say when you can go out. However, that is not, has never been, & I’m beginning to doubt ever will be, my son. He’s a I-follow-my-schedule-not-yours kind of kid. So, we play each day by ear. If I’ve cancelled on you, been late, or asked if you could meet early, I’m sorry. I wish I could be more dependable, but I just can’t. And by I, what I mean is that it’s Isaac’s fault. :-)

Confession: I used to be a little, well, impatient with people who didn’t follow the time rules. In my logical brain, I thought, “If you set a time, stick to it, dang it!” I would get irritated with someone who was late, or cancelled, or left early, or changed meeting times. I didn’t understand why it was so hard to get somewhere on time & stay the time you said you would. Moms you can stop laughing, because now I get it. I’ve been late, I’ve cancelled, I’ve left early, & I’ve changed meeting times. I’m sorry for ever being irritated with you, because now I get it!

What Didya Expect?

As a first time mom, I’ve realized that I have a lot of unspoken & even unrealized expectations of myself, my son, and this motherhood role. I couldn’t tell you exactly what I did expect, because I didn’t sit down and write out my list of “Expectations I Have of My Role as a Mother,” but I can tell you what I didn’t expect:

If you would have asked me before I had Isaac if I expected to be getting up (at least) twice a night with an 8 month old, I would have probably said no. Did I expect to spend 2 hours of my day getting my baby to sleep for 1 hour? Hmm, don’t think so. Did I expect caring for an infant to take so much of me- physically, emotionally, of my time? I didn’t! And I’ve had lots of experience with kids, from babysitting to nannying to having a younger sister. I’m not dumb. I realize babies are a lot of work & require a lot of attention. But being responsible for one full time is unlike anything I’ve experienced or expected. 

Unmet expectations cause one of two reactions. Either you turn on yourself & think you’ve failed, or you turn on the object of your expectations & declare that they have failed. Isaac’s not sleeping through the night? Either I’m doing something wrong, or he is just a difficult baby. Not really. Maybe he’s just… fine?!? Our culture shapes our expectations of what we should feel, do, & experience as mothers, but maybe, just maybe, we don’t have to worry so much about our babies? If he’s not sleeping through the night, it’s ok. If he’s not eating 3 square meals a day, it’s ok. If he’s doesn’t like to be away from Mama, it’s ok! Our culture is good at silently telling Moms they’re doing it “right” or “wrong” by making us believe there’s one desired outcome for all babies at each stage. (Sleep through the night by 12 weeks, eat solid food by 4 months, crawl by 7 months, weaned by 1 year, etc.) The truth is that all babies are different, and really, if you, the only Mama of your baby, are ok with how he is doing, then it’s fine!!!

My sweet boy is doing great! Why do I worry so much?

It’s taken me a long time to accept that I can ignore what other people (experts, friends, books, online articles, even the pediatrician, etc.) tell me I should do & do things my own way. I didn’t expect there would be all these… voices. No, I’m not going crazy. (Well…) What I mean is that there are many moms out there with very strong opinions. This way is right. That way is going to cause your child to become needy & whiny. If you don’t do this, they’ll never sleep through the night. If you do that they’ll be scarred for life. There are lots of people out there who passed the secret “How to Be a Mother” test & want to tell you all the right answers. My advice? Figure out what’s important to you, & surround yourself with real life & virtual support (no joke- I’m in a support group on Facebook & it’s been extremely helpful!!). And then ignore everyone else. You even have my permission to cover your ears & shout, “SHUT UP!!!” if you need to.

The fewer expectations you have going in, the better. The reality is that you may have a clam, “easy” baby, and you may not. You may have a social baby; you may not. Breastfeeding may work for you; it may not. You may have a great sleeper; you may not. You may have a healthy baby; you may not (yikes). You may lose your baby weight easily; you may not. The honest truth is that you may love every single second of being a mom, and you may not.

I really hope you’ve seen the TV show Wipeout. Basically it’s a race through various obstacle courses that use any mechanical parts necessary to knock you out & launch you off the course. I equate motherhood to Wipeout. It looks fun when you’ve never done it. You’re really excited & motivated to start. You think it’s going to be much easier than it really is. You get punched in the face & thrown off course often. You look at the other participants & wonder why they’re doing so much better than you. It’s exhausting. Yet, it’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever done. It’s so fun. You’d do it all over again if you could, punches to the gut and all.

Confession: It’s taken me a good 8 months to honestly say that I am confident as a mother. Up until this point, I’ve been consistently unsure & doubting myself about every little thing. It’s exhausting! I’ve had to put aside the expectations I had about what my baby should do & just let him be. I finally feel like I have accepted the way things are instead of believing I have something to “fix.” I’ve had to basically shut out anything that may make me question my methods. Friends, other well intentioned parents, strangers, my boss, experts, book & blog authors, & anyone else who is going to put doubts about my abilities in my head. I’m much happier now that I listen to fewer people. :-)

My Big Green Comfy Chair!

All the baby stuff out there can really get overwhelming for a new mom. There is so much out there! Will you really use it? Should you buy it just in case? Just because Amazon or Babies R Us has it on the “Essential Baby Registry” list, do you really need it? You’ll find what you really need as you go, but here’s what we’ve found has been most & least used for us! Now, I’m not including things like a carseat & clothes, because if you don’t know that you need those things, you really shouldn’t be a parent.

Top Used (in no particular order):

Carrier: My baby loves to be held, so a carrier is essential! (Ok, really it’s that I love having him close, but I’ll always say the other way around.) I’ve tried the Moby, Mai Tai & most recently the Ergo. I love them all. Spend the money, get one, you won’t be disappointed!

         This is the Ergo & my view from the carrier!

 

Stroller: We loooooooove walks. Again, I think it’s me that looooooooves the walks, but Isaac doesn’t have a choice. Getting out of the house is essential! And as nice as it is to have a carrier, sometimes it’s equally as nice to just be a woman without a baby attached to you somehow. We have a pretty simple stroller & use it just about every day!

Lamp & Dimmer: Instead of using the over head light, or a lamp that has 3 brightness settings, we got a lamp with a dimmer. Best choice ever, especially for bedtime! You can set the mood, so to speak, instead of going bright to pitch black. Maybe we should get one for the master bedroom too, come to think of it. Woop woop! (Inappropriate.)

Sound machine/Fan: In the summer we use a fan, but for the winter we bought a Graco sound machine to cover the noises in the house while Isaac sleeps. You already feel like you have to creep around the house like a ninja so you don’t wake up the baby, but with a sound machine at least you have a little more grace. So, you don’t run the risk of waking the baby just to run the kitchen sink, or open that bag of chips, or go down the creaky stairs.

Coconut Oil: Who knew the stuff that makes popcorn so delicious would be so great for a baby! We use coconut oil for lots of things! Isaac’s butt, for one. He gets a nice wipe down with coconut oil at each diaper change, & he’s never had a diaper rash! His skin is so dry (thanks, Colorado) & we slather coconut oil all over him after baths. And of course, if the baby boy needs a mowhawk, what do you think we use? Coconut oil!

Exersaucer: Great for when they become mobile & you need to run & change out the laundry, or do some dishes. Sometimes, you just need to strap ‘em in somewhere so they won’t move.

Cloth Diapers: Ok, obviously you need diapers. But cloth has really been awesome for us! We’ve probably spent about $100 total on diapers since Isaac’s been born. We were given a bunch too, but have bought some on our own. And the awesome thing is that I don’t have to buy each week. Really, we don’t have to buy more, ever! Unless we have 10 kids and they get so worn we need new ones. But I doubt that would happen (the 10 kids, that is). We plan to use these diapers for the next howevermany babies so I would say we’ve saved a ton of money. Yes, sure, we’re trying to save the planet too, but really, it’s the money baby! :-)

My Green Comfy Chair!!! This is definitely the top, most important, most used, most essential, life-saving piece of baby equipment we have. When I go into Isaac’s room, typically twice a night these days, I pick him up, straighten him out, & we curl up on the Green Comfy Chair (GCC) while he nurses & we both sleep. I would die of sleep deprivation without my GCC. Those gliders are nice, but you need something cushy (is that word??) with soft sides & a soft back so you can sleep in it! I love you my darling GCC! You’ve saved my sanity!!!!!

Top Unused:

Toys: Isaac wants anything but actual baby toys. Cords (don’t worry: yes I know that’s dangerous), hangers, mail, socks, Grizzly (our dog), water bottles, cups, credit cards, phone books, highlighters, & baskets, to name a few things. Not to mention, Grandmas & Grandpas tend to show up with a new toy at each visit, so buying your own really isn’t necessary! :-)

 

             Helping Mom cut coupons is so fun…                    He loves ripping pages from this phone book!

                     Mmmm highlighter…              The comb is perfect: a handle for holding, spiky things for chewing!

Changing Table: Isaac gets changed right on the floor every time. That allows me to leave him to roll around & play without worrying about strapping him down to a table or risk him falling on the floor! That would happen, I swear. I can run out of the room, turn my back while his naked butt rolls around, & I don’t have a worry in the world. It’s actually quite fun to play with a naked baby crawling around the room! :-)

*Disclaimer: The morning after writing this, no joke, Isaac was happily playing naked on his belly on the floor while I was, I don’t know, picking out his clothes or something, & I turn around, and… yes. He pooped. No need for detail, but it was an interesting clean up. That’s the first time that’s happened, but I guess I should say I’m warning you!

 

Swing: We used the swing early on for Isaac to nap in, but that never made him nap longer than when we put him down in his crib. It was nice to have a place to put him, but at that young you can lay them on the floor & they’re not really going anywhere. He grew out of it pretty quick & when he was real little he just wanted to be held anyways. So, not really necessary.

Bottle Washing Tools: I’m sorry if you bought us this brush or bottle drying rack. You see, I have this thing called a dishwasher, & it’s quite magical. It washes dishes for you! I never wash bottles by hand, & hence these have never been opened! Sorry!

Nursing Cover: You see all these moms with fashionable covers draped over their fronts as they discretely nurse their sweet, calm, still babies in public. Well, this junk has never worked for us. In the beginning, it was really difficult to figure out how to be discrete, & now Isaac thinks it’s fun to grab the cover & eat it instead of his lunch. It’s never worked well for us. Depending on where I am, I just feed him (get over it), or go to a bathroom or someplace quiet & secluded if I need to feed him while we’re out.

Matching Nursery decor: Fine if you want to spend extra money to hang color coordinating monkeys all over the room, but we decided not to & I think our nursery serves it’s purpose just fine! We have a dinosaur painting from Aunt Anna, a Noah’s Art rug from my aunt, a monkey mobile from my mother in law, a penguin humidifier, & polka dot sheets. If you think real hard about it, there’s a theme there somewhere…

Books: Don’t do it! I’m warning you!! Don’t give in! This is one of the few things I would do differently if I could start all over. I would not read baby books. Sure, there have been some good tidbits I’ve learned from a variety of books, but overall they’ve caused me more stress than they’ve helped. My instinct & just simply time as a mom have been more helpful than all the books in the world. I’m serious. Don’t do it.

Confession: I’ve always said I was going to keep things simple. Not spend lots of money on silly baby things. Not get carried away with baby gear. Just live with the essentials. After all, mothers around the world make do with so much less than we do. But I can’t help it! I buy unnecessary adorable swim trunks for my 8 month old. I buy 2 sound machines because I like them both. I impulse buy sippy cups & books & mesh food holder thingys so he can enjoy watermelon & ice cubes without choking. God, help me. I can’t help myself.

That’s all I’ve got for this month! This baby is really starting to cut into my blog time! I’d say he’s worth it… Until next month, enjoy the pictures from our 8 month old baby photo shoot! Hugs & kisses to all!

Confessions of a First Time Mom: Month 7

Happy Mother’s Day! On my first Mother’s Day as a mother, I have reflected a lot on how amazing moms are. I have learned that motherhood is really one of the most sacrificial things you can do. You give up so much for your baby in order to be a good mom. You give up your “me” time, you give up sleep, you give up the need to be thanked & appreciated for all you do, you give up your selfish desires for independence & freedom, & you give up a lot of the old life you had. You will never know the depths of what it is to be a mom until you experience it yourself. For that, I want to say “thank you” to my mom, who I never appreciated enough, never thanked enough, never realized all she did to love & care for me & my sister. Thank you mom, and Happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there!

And happy 7 months + 1 day to Isaac! This month: We have new teeth! Two in one week! Yikes. He’s almost crawling! He’ll get up on all fours & rock, & sometimes hop around. He’s sitting up on his own. I swear he gives me kisses (the open mouthed kind) but it may just be that he’s trying to tell me he’s hungry… He’s growing out of his clothes so quickly, we’re up to 9 month size already! We’ve entered the world of solid foods: Bananas, applesauce, squash (not a favorite), sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, & green beans so far. He’s still a pretty poor sleeper, but we decided we’re gonna keep him anyways. :-)

His “almost crawling” stance & his first two teeth! 

Mmmm peas! 

How to Know You’re Ready

I remember our pre-Isaac days, thinking about how wonderful it was going to be to have a precious baby in my arms, to care for and love him, to tend to his needs, to hear him say Mama and gently touch & kiss my face. The beauty of having a baby. Right? Well, yes. Kind of. There’s just another side to it all! Everybody’s baby experiences are different, but I put together a little test based on my experience to see if you might be ready to be a parent…

• You think being spit up on, pinched, poked, pulled, slobbered on, head-butted, kicked, grabbed, scratched, and screamed at is cute.
• You can get up before 7am every day without complaining. A baby doesn’t understand time, nor do they understand the concept of weekends. Sleeping in is now completely redefined. You’re happy to sleep until 7am.
• You can live off 4 hours of consecutive sleep. No more, only possibly less. In addition, you’re ready to get up out of bed multiple times in the middle of the night while your darling spouse continues to sleep next to you. You may even hear him snore softly as you leave the room. You want to pout like a little girl and say, “It’s not fair!” But you can’t. That’s a bad example. You will feel frustrated & lonely, even with your spouse around. But you must still love him. You need him.
• You don’t mind working or being on-call all the time. Imagine never going home from work. Ever. That’s a glimpse of the commitment of parenting. You may get a snack break. A lunch break. Maybe eventually even a weekend off. But essentially you work every minute of every day, you don’t get sick days, weekends, bonuses, & you never get to change careers. Talk about a commitment!
• You can get runny poop on yourself without freaking out. It will touch you, I promise.
• You can maintain a good attitude while being consistently hungry, thirsty and tired. All at the same time.
• You can let go of your attachment to your dog. They are no longer your baby. They may even become the enemy.  
• You can listen to other parents say, “Enjoy, it goes by so fast” a trillion times per day without slapping them.
• You can hold a 15 pound wiggly wet bar of soap in the shower and not drop it. Sometimes that’s what my child seems like.
• You don’t mind having songs like, The ABC’s, Hush Little Baby, and Old McDonald Had a Farm stuck in your head. You will sing them to yourself while your child is sleeping. It’s so annoying.

So, we have this cute book, B is for Bear, that Isaac likes (at least I think he does). Well, I was desperate for a new lullaby after singing the same one at each naptime, so I memorized the book & turned it into a lullaby. Seriously!

Y is for you; go on, take a look!

• You know how to wear your hair without styling it. Now, for some of you (‘Oh I just get out of the shower & it just happens to be beautiful’) this won’t apply. But, for those of you with a more high maintenance mane, get ready to give it up. My hair is a bit wild, & I used to tame it by straightening it. Now, I sometimes wear a high ponytail, sometimes a low ponytail, if it’s date night I’ll pull it off to the side, but it’s pretty much always in a ponytail.

One of my very fashionable hairstyles…

• You don’t care about primetime TV. Bedtime is probably going to be anywhere from 6-8pm (for the baby, but you’ll follow shortly after), & lest you think it’s simple to put a baby down to sleep for the night, let me warn you the process may take up to an hour. You learn to love Netflix.
• You can have more fun at home than out. Now, not that you can’t go out. You should go out! Getting everyone out of the house helps maintain your sanity. But, you’re home more often than you’re out. And when you do get out, it takes at least twice as long as pre-baby to plan & implement the strategy necessary for leaving the house.

Confession: I’m not ready to be a parent! :-)

I’m the Model of Inconsistency

You often hear that babies need consistency! If you’re just consistent enough, they’ll follow your rules. Well, that’s easier said than done because if you start something & after a few weeks you decide it’s not working, you’ll probably (oh no!) change something. Ahh! Chaos ensues! Baby is messed up for life! You’ve ruined it! No, false: I am the model that you can be inconsistent & still have a relatively normal baby. Ok, now I know what you’re all thinking: “She’s complained for months about her child not sleeping, now I know why.” And to that I would respond: “Touché.” Maybe, if I were more consistent from the beginning, Isaac would be a different baby? Who’s to know? I happen to think that my baby is awesome! If you’ve met him, you know he’s awesome! All sleeping issues aside… One of the coolest babies around!

Parenting is the ultimate learning process. So I change things up. A lot. I’m a first time mom. I’m figuring it out. You may think you got the right strategy from the beginning, but I would argue you may have just been lucky. What all have we tried? Well… everything!

• Schedule feeding vs. Feeding on demand? Tried both!
• Co-sleeping vs. Baby sleeping in a crib in his own room? Done both!
• Use a pacifier vs. Not? Tried both!

 We think he’s pretty happy with his paci!

• Let cry vs. Respond to every cry? Done both!
• Hold for naps vs. Put down for naps? Yup, Done both!
• Babywise vs. Attachment Parenting? (Ok, you know how there used to be this saying that babies don’t come with an instruction manual? Well there are plenty of books out there that try to pass as one! Boo! Don’t fall for it!) But yes, we’ve tried variations of both…
• Wake up at same time every day vs. Let sleep until he wakes up? Done both!
• Put down ‘drowsy but awake’ vs. Nurse to sleep? Done both!
• Keep in crib to soothe vs. Pick up & rock to soothe? You guessed it- we’ve done both!

The infamous Zippadee Zip we spent $75 on (we got 2). I’m not ready to review it yet… It’s still in the testing phase.

I’ve obviously tried everything. This article popped up on the internet recently that accurately describes my frustrations with all the sleep strategies out there. How is anyone to know what really works for their baby until they try it? And how are they supposed to find the right strategy without trying a few??

Confession: Scheduled feeding has worked wonders for us. Isaac sleeps in his own room. Jury’s still out on the pacifier, but it seems to be a pretty good tool for him to calm down, so I have been using it recently. I let him cry for a bit if he wakes up early, but I always respond to his cries. Isaac naps in his crib. I let him sleep as loooooooooooong as he will. I stick with my advice from an earlier post that it’s never a good idea to wake a sleeping baby! I’m still trying to decide what’s better in terms of how to put him down (drowsy but awake or nurse to sleep?). I haven’t decided yet. I do nurse him before every sleep time. That is the most precious time for me & I wouldn’t change it if 100 people told me to..  I pick him up to rock him if he wakes up early from his nap. I nurse him twice during the night. I wait until he is really sleepy before putting him down for a nap. None of this, “nap at the first sign of drowsiness” business. I might change something tomorrow, because I’m still not 100% sure everything I’m currently doing is working.

According to at least one “expert” out there, each of these are no nos. I might change something tomorrow, or next month, but for now, these are working. Sort of.

And then sometimes they make you change all the rules…

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing!

This tails right behind the last post… I’m going to write a book called, “I Don’t Know What I’m Doing!” & chronicle all the missteps you can take as a parent & still survive (child included). There’s all this pressure to get your baby sleeping through the night. The advice we got most often before Isaac was born was to “get him on a schedule.” Why? So you can sleep through the night. Now I swear the questions we get asked every time we introduce Isaac to someone new are, #1, “How old is he?” and #2, “Is he sleeping through the night yet?” No, ok. He’s not. And I don’t like your hair. Gosh. Kidding. But seriously, it’s like sleeping through the night has become the Ultimate Goal of Parenting. Aren’t there more important things we should be worried about?!?

Obviously I’ve been a little inconsistent with my strategies thus far (that’s a nice way of saying, I have no idea what I’m doing here), but I really do believe we have a wonderful, calm, mild tempered, happy baby who is growing & developing as he should, so something is going right… right? When Isaac was a newborn, I didn’t know anything about sleep or feeding schedules, naptime or bedtime rituals, soothing techniques, do’s and don’ts of sleep training, or any of the other “rules” out there. Honestly now I know a lot more than I wish I did, but I still don’t really know what works for Isaac.

I do often feel like here I am, making all these mistakes & ending up with a child who can’t nap or sleep well at night. I’m trying to tell myself that the things I’m doing aren’t mistakes. I might be trying different methods & not strictly following one way, but I love my child immensely. So, I’m not making mistakes. I’m just doing it my own way with my own child in my own home with my own, very unique, outcomes….

Confession: I don’t always believe that. The things I’m doing aren’t mistakes. Sounds nice on paper, right? But I constantly second guess myself. When Isaac wakes up from his nap after 45 minutes (used to be typical), 30 minutes (the norm this month), or 18 minutes (the record), I have a mild panic attack. Or when he wakes 4 times in the middle of the night, sometimes 30 minutes after going down to bed, sometimes right as I’m falling asleep. Again, I have a mild panic attack. Then the doubts creep in. What am I doing wrong? Why won’t he sleep? He’s 7 months old! Why is he napping for 30 minutes & still getting up 2-4 times in the night? Why am I reacting with frustration? Why am I crying? Why can’t I just take this in stride & not get worked up?

What it boils down to is fear. There’s this fear that I’m not doing it right. That I’m doing something wrong. That I’m messing up and ruining him for life. That I’m not the perfect mother. (Ok, a bit dramatic? Yes, yes I am.) These lies creep up & plant themselves in my brain, and honestly I believe a lot of them. They cause me to worry, doubt, & become anxious. These are subtle yet powerful lies that can rob me of the joy of being a mother:

“If you were doing it right, he would be sleeping through the night.”

“You’re obviously doing something wrong because he’s not sleeping like he should.”

“All your friends have babies who sleep well because they know what they’re doing.”

“You’re teaching him bad habits by doing what you’re doing.”

But when I recognize these as lies, and replace them with the truth, it is amazing how quickly these lies lose their power over my emotions. The truth is quite the opposite:

“I’m doing what I believe to be best for me & my son.”

“I care & love him so much that I would never want to create bad habits or harm him in any way.”

“I am doing things the best way I know how.”

“There’s no such thing as a perfect baby. None of the moms I know have a perfect baby.”

“I love my son, I love my life, I love staying home with him & caring for him, and I absolutely love being a mom.”

I don’t think any of us are meant to live under the weight of anxiety, fear, comparison, or self-doubt. If we’re feeling any of those things, it may be an indication that we’re believing lies about our circumstances. It’s time to bash those lies & instead live with the joy & contentment that comes from believing the truth! Hu-rah! The TRUTH is that Isaac is happy, healthy, & growing normally! That should be enough!

Not to mention, he can plank longer than I can! :-)

Motherhood is Demanding.

I know what all of you are thinking. Duh, Sara. Are you really just realizing that? Ok, but hear me out. I’m a stay at home mom. So, I not only care for Isaac, but I have time to do other things around the house. Right?? Truth is, I am amazed at how much of my day goes towards caring for Isaac. Even though I often feel like I should be able to accomplish more… I mean, c’mon… You have single moms, moms who work full time outside the home, moms with five kids, moms with their own small businesses, moms who write books & blog daily, and then you have me. A stay at home mom who can’t seem to get the laundry done! Who knew actually doing stuff other than baby care would be so difficult? It doesn’t seem like it should be, but somehow when your husband gets home & asks, “What did you do today?” you stop & think really, really hard… and come up with something like, “Well, your son is alive, isn’t he?!?!” (I do have to say that in reality, Michael & I don’t argue about this. He is wonderfully supportive of me staying home, even when he has no clean socks…)

I’m tempted here to justify to you why accomplishing a single task on my To Do list is difficult. To explain to you all the reasons why my days can be stressful. To prove that being a stay at home mom is a full time job. To show you a glimpse of the ways Isaac can be a challenge. However, I really don’t think I need to justify myself. Many people think, Oh, stay at home moms just hang out, go shopping, and sleep all day. Well, in a sense, that’s right. I am with my child all day, playing silly games, reading books, and teaching him about the world. And yes, I do all the shopping for the house. Grocery shopping. And you’re most definitely right about the last one: I spend the majority of my day putting to sleep, monitoring sleep, putting back to sleep, and getting up from sleep this little child of mine. Being a stay at home mom is a full time job. No justification needed! If you don’t believe it, you’ve obviously never been a stay at home mom.

Confession: I’ve paid the mortgage & credit card bills late (apparently they don’t waive your payments after you have a baby like I think they should…), it takes me days to do a load of laundry, I don’t always cook dinner, I haven’t cleaned my shower since Isaac has been born, I consider picking up and wiping down to be cleaning, we buy Ramen noodles from bulk at Sams & I have a stockpile of frozen pizzas for those nights when I forgot to plan something, I’ve had “mop kitchen floor” on my To-Do list for a good 6 weeks now, we have a large box of disposable diapers for when the laundry hamper is full of cloth ones, I haven’t really exercised (walks don’t actually count) in months, & right now there’s a pile of junk on the floor right in front of me.

Sometimes when I haven’t vacuumed in… well, awhile… I just plop him in the exersaucer to keep him off the floor…

Phew! Another amazing, challenging, awe-inspiring month as a First Time Mom! Hope you’ll join us next month as we continue this journey! From all of us in the Hollar Household, may you find true joy & peace in whatever stage of life you are in. Much love from here!