Confessions of a First Time Mom: 18 Months!

Just another day of play!

My sweet "baby" turned 1 1/2 a few weeks ago! I'm not sure how long I can keep calling him my baby... (Well, forever if I want, because I'm Mama & he will always be my baby!)


Isaac is growing up so fast, but it is such a miracle to watch. He runs, tries to jump (can't quite get his feet off the ground), repeats so many words, pretends to crack eggs and fly airplanes, & melts my heart on a daily basis. 

I still have confessions, however. Without further ado: 

I have mental problems

Always. In my thoughts. Always.

I thought I was a fairly stable person... But apparently I'm not. I have visions. By visions I mean like day-mares. Not nightmares because they happen while I'm awake. But they are equally as chilling. I must be losing my mind. My sense. Oh dear I'm too young!!

Ok so I have these terrible visions of bad things happening to Isaac. Most of them have to do with knives, or falling, or cars, or viscous dogs, or him being kidnapped or flat out disappearing, or horrifying accidents that will most likely never happen. But in my visions they are so real they quite literally cause me to shake or shiver myself "awake." And wouldn't you know, many times it will happen while I'm trying to fall asleep at night. That does no good.

Once I had a vision of the library ceiling crumbling in on us while we were picking out board books. We ended up on NBC Nightly News. Those poor babies...

Please tell me I'm not the only mom going mental here. I'm assuming this happens to other moms too?! Sometimes I feel like I need to check into a mental facility to figure out how to erase these visions because I am seriously. going. crazy.

I can't be a Pinterest mom

Take that Pinterest!

-This website is great. (Scroll to the bottom for more fabulous ways to educate and entertain your child.) I found it via Pinterest. What a great mom to put together all these activities for her young son to learn and get ahead of all the other young toddlers in the universe.

"Just get a box and cut here and paint here and glue here and label here and color coordinate here and laminate this and gather 300 different items that start with the letter 'A' and he will play independently for 15 minutes. But don't forget to supervise at all times."

I don't mean to mock this mom for all the hard work she puts into educating her son. I truly don't. Good for her if she has the time & energy to put all that together, and then fortheloveofGod find time to blog about it. More power to you. But I just can't.

I give my son the empty egg carton and beg him to go play for 5 minutes so I can do the dishes. He plays with used (but clean) sour cream containers, dry noodles, and restaurant style plasticware. He loves to sort the mail, rip magazine pages, and what the heck, pick up trash. He wants to help with the baking, so I give him the spilled dry ingredients and a whisk and let him go to town mixing that together. "Oh, don't eat that. Oh, you ate that. Oh well."

Well, my son says words like, hummus, & dergel (squirrel, close enough.) & n a minit (in a minute! Apparently I say that a lot) & 'tinky poo poo. He's a smart one!!

Isaac is still breastfeeding

Ok, I was hesitant to write about this because many people get uncomfortable when you say the word breastfeeding. Our culture doesn't exactly support moms in nursing past a year. To be honest, I think our culture does a bad job of supporting to breastfeeding moms period. But, without getting into opinions or too many details, I will just say that we simply aren't ready to stop. If Isaac was ready to quit tomorrow, I would happily allow that. I am following his lead, & I don't believe we have an unhealthy relationship now or will in the future because I'm allowing him to signal when it's time to be done.

I believe that I am a (fairly) normal parent. I care deeply for my child and his needs: physical, emotional, social, spiritual. I feel strongly that I am supporting his growth in all these areas. And I have surprisingly found nursing to be a great tool to encourage his development and independence, not hinder. It is useful for comfort, nutrition, connection, and security, among other things. I do not believe that breastfeeding until age 1, or 2, or 3 is really going to be the trigger for developmental delays in any of these areas (insert debate here). My point is, in the long run, is an extra year really going to matter?

At the doctor after checking for ear infections & Strep. Needless to say, it was a rough day. Thankful I had this to comfort & calm him.

I have to say this in my defense: I don't "whip it out" in public as so many I've seen on public forums seem to think that must be how nursing mothers approach this. I discretely nursed Isaac to sleep in between two businessmen on a plane and I know for a fact neither one of them saw my breast. Otherwise, we treat it as a private, at-home activity 99% of the time. I do believe that moms should be proud to breastfeed, but I feel, as much of the public does, that it is something you do privately. 

Now come on, if you know Isaac, you know he is a smart, talkative, active, sweet, peaceful child. I may screw all that up eventually, but I highly doubt it will be because I breastfed him until he was two. It will most likely be because of the next point... Read on...

I don't know the first thing about disciplining a toddler

We are very thankful to have a mostly calm, peaceful baby (toddler! yikes!). Isaac truly is easy at this point. But that doesn't mean that he (and I) don't have our moments. He's 1 1/2. Of course he's going to scream and cry and get frustrated at times. I just have to figure out how to deal with it & help him appropriately express his emotions.

I ask Isaac to come here and instead he sits down on the spot. I put my hands on my hips and then stomp over to him, saying, "You little turd, I said come here." Then I pick him up and put him in the car. That's my strategy. Call your child a turd then physically force them to do what you want. Niiiiiice.

Isaac will start hollering or crying because he has food on his hands (he's so weird about eating with clean hands, ugh) or because he wants to get out of the high chair. Because I'm not done with my meal, I glare at him and snap, "Quit it! Be quiet! Sheesh." There again- a great strategy. Like "stop" ever works.

He's wild & crazy, y'all!

Or, in the really bad times, he will scream and cry about something (usually I don't know what he wants and he gets frustrated and throws a mini fit) so I just give up and walk away. I don't know what to do. I walk away.

Ok ok. I know I need to discipline, teach & guide him. I'm not going to just ignore that part of parenting. But I don't always know what to do. Sometimes I make the wrong choice and go get myself a chocolate peanut butter cup instead of addressing the issue. I'll get there. I'll figure out what to do. Soon. 








 Isaac Still Doesn't Sleep Through the Night

He'll fall asleep on my back, no problem!

Between ear infections, coughs, teething, and bad genes (I blame my insomniac husband), we rarely get a peaceful night. I'm saying, 5am would be wonderful. I'm not trying to complain, because I realize there are things I could probably push a little harder to get him to sleep longer, but I just don't have the motivation in the middle of the night to let him cry for long. So, we just keep doing what we're doing. And, surprise! He keeps waking up at 3am.


P.S. I'm not bitter. Not bitter. Just tired. ;-)

He's so precious when he's asleep!

I hope you Mamas out there are loving & enjoying your babies! Don't panic if you've got a fair share of confessions of your own, I know we probably all do. In fact, make me feel better & share some of your own!! Much love to all you out there. :-)