Confessions of a First Time Mom: Month 1

Alright, people, it's time to get real here. I have some confessions to make. I am now the mother of a beautiful son, & thank God he's survived a month. (Don't worry Grandmas, each day I get more & more confident I can keep him alive.) But, the first month has been nothing like I expected- it's been better & worse than I thought it could ever be! I thought while it's still fresh, I'll try to set the record straight on the first month of mommyhood. I do acknowledge, however, that each baby, mom, & family is different, so what has been true for me may not be true for everybody!

1. Your baby is attached to you constantly... in a good way. You don't go more than a few hours without holding him, feeding him, changing him, etc. He can't survive without you, & that's kind of cool. This little being is so dependent on you & you have to learn to be attentive to his needs before anything else. It's a good lesson in selflessness, but also brings feelings of pride that this little child needs you.
Confession: I adore my son. He makes me happy in a way nothing else can.

2. Your baby is attached to you constantly... in a bad way. Ok, I know this doesn't really make sense. And it's not really bad, but, there are times when you want your body to yourself like you used to have. You were perfectly happy watching TV or doing whatever you were busy with, & you may not want to sit down & nurse, or change diapers, or walk around with a fussy baby. But you have to (see #1). I think this is just called parenthood. Giving up what you want to be attentive & caring for your children. Huh. Now's a good time to say thanks to my mom & dad.
Confession: There have been times when I don't want to feed my baby. I have almost outright refused to feed him... AGAIN...

3. Breastfeeding is HARD and anyone who tells you "it's natural," or, "you'll get used to it," or, "your baby knows what to do," or anything else remotely similar, is a LIAR. Oh man oh man I was NOT prepared for the realities of breastfeeding. Before Isaac, we were told many of those awesome little tidbits of advice above, & I will tell you now, from experience, none of them are true! It's not natural in the sense that your baby is born knowing how to suck, but as far as getting attached correctly, both you & your baby have to learn. You don't just wait & "get used to it." You're telling me I should get used to toe-curling pain, blisters on my nipples (sorry, tmi??), soreness?!? Ok, ok I'll stop there (oh but there's more...). If I were just to wait it out until I was used to it, I would have switched to formula feeding within the first week. You have to get help & support. Friends who have breastfed, support groups (I started going to a La Leche League support group which has been awesome!), & talk to your partner so he can be supportive. Without those things, I totally get why women give up breastfeeding & go to the bottle. But, I will say, having gotten over the first month, I am so incredibly glad that we have made the decision to breastfeed. It is such a special time & gives me such satisfaction to watch our little man grow & thrive. 
Confession: I understand why moms switch to formula. Breastfeeding is unnaturally hard. Freaking hard.

4. My previous love & adoration for my puppy Grizzly was quickly forgotten. Sorry, Grizz. He became more of a nuisance to me than my sweet cuddly puppy. I found myself getting frustrated with him & just wanting him out of the way. He became a fleeting thought as I was adjusting to this new role. I know as Isaac gets older, Grizzly will get more & more (maybe unwanted) attention, but right now it's hard to give him the love & attention he is so used to! I hope this doesn't happen to Isaac if we have a second child...Well anyways, we've slowly repaired our relationship & are getting back to the way things used to be, but I surprised myself how neglectful I became with him! :-(
Confession: I may have forgotten to feed my dog once. Or twice. Oops.

5. Post delivery belly is like a strange blob full of unstretched stretch marks & something that resembles pudding. It's not exactly attractive, & sure doesn't help you feel good about yourself. It's hard to accept you don't have the midsection you used to, even if people say you look good ("Ya, compared to 9 months pregnant? Thanks."). I'll get around to that exercise routine eventually. I'll start eating healthy once people stop bringing us meals & buying us takeout. My advice? Don't look. Always keep clothes on.
Confession: I tried on my pre-pregnancy jeans. They don't fit. Gah. I know, I know.

6. There's this thing that comes out in the first month, my mama friend Amanda calls it the 'Mama Bear Instinct.' I swore I wouldn't be one of those moms who is uptight about people holding her baby & won't let him be touched by dirty hands, and whatever. Well, at least in the first month, I am that mom! Don't touch him. No let me have him. I'm his mom. No you can't hold him. Especially when he was fussy, I'm protective of my time with him. I enjoy time with just him, I retreat to quiet places to be with him, I get stressed out when he's fussing in someone else's arms, & I honestly prefer to have him close to me. Since we humans are made to do this parenting thing together, as a couple, this doesn't really apply to Michael. But anyone else? Watch out! I'm a mama bear & this is my cub & I will protect him at all costs! Sorry if you were one growled at by Mama Bear!
Confession: I often wear Isaac in a sling, for many reasons, but one being so others can't hold him. I can't believe I'm confessing to that! 

This is my "No you can't hold him, touch him or take him from me" stance. :)

7. I do some things "they" say I shouldn't. There are so many so-called experts out there that will tell you what you should or shouldn't do to be a good mom. I never knew how many parenting experts there were out there! The interesting thing is that in parenting advice, there seems to be only those who camp out on the extremes. Let your baby cry it out, vs. Never let your baby cry. Pacifiers are recommended vs. Pacifiers will cause your baby to never nurse again. Don't ever rock your baby to sleep vs. Let your child sleep with you. There is so much advice out there, so many opinions, & honestly, a lot of guilt-tripping. Well you know what?? Screw you all. Ok, not really, but... really. I drink Diet Coke, I've had a pina colada, I let my son sleep with us when he's fussy, he uses a pacifier, & I've probably done many more things the "experts" say are going to seriously screw up my child. We'll see about that.
Confession: I don't miss a morning of coffee, full of the creamer made of high fructose corn syrup & fake sugar that supposedly causes cancer.

Oh my gosh, don't EVER let your child sleep on the couch!!

8. My house is a mess. When you come over, we clean it up real quick right before. Otherwise, I don't have time or really care to clean up. No pictures for this one. :)

9. I haven't cooked a meal since Isaac has been born. We've had many people bless us with meals (THANK YOU!) but on those days there are no delivered meals, we have anything from frozen pizzas to leftover food my mother in law made for us (dang, that's all gone) to something random from the pantry. Michael has cooked a few times. I'll get around to that next month.
 
So, there are my confessions. Hopefully none too bad for you to stop reading this blog. But if you do, you're not my type of reader anyways. :) Overall, having a child changes your world in a way nothing else ever will. Most things are good, some things don't really matter, & others are hard. We can't be afraid to say this time isn't easy, that we need help, that you can now keep your opinion to yourself. No one is perfect, no one's plan will result in a perfect child, & when it all comes down to it, we just need to be love & respect each other.

I plan to keep track & try to do this on a monthly basis, so check back in next month for part 2!

Happy one month birthday, Isaac!

He's smiling!! :D