Expecting the Impossible

I started reading this short book called "Capture His Heart"  by Lysa TerKeurst that I actually bought for myself & some girlfriends last Christmas. I thought it's about time I pick it up to actually read it. It's a book about our roles as wives & how we can be the best wife for our husbands. However just from reading the first few chapters, I think it easily applies to all kinds of relationships. Can I share what I've learned so far?

The first section is called, 'Your husband needs you to support him spiritually.' I get a little weary about books with section titles like this because I assume it's going to be cheesy. But even with my skeptical attitude, I really had a perspective change from just this small, 4 page chapter titled, "Even a Great Husband Makes a Poor God." It's all about how we as women want the men in our lives to be responsible for filling up our love tanks. If I'm married, I can expect my husband to make me feel loved, secure, accepted, appreciated & cared for. Err! Wrong! I've only been married a little over four years & I can tell you that I cannot rely on my husband alone to fill me up. Not because I have a bad husband, but because that is way too much pressure on one person! He can't live up to those expectations! Often we say things like, "Nobody is perfect," or we can recognize that everyone has faults, but we still depend on them to fulfill us in the way we desire. How it really plays out is that we are disappointed & hurt when they don't live up to that standard we have. We may begin to get bitter & angry ("He doesn't really care about me.") We begin to think the grass is greener somewhere else ("I'm sure that woman's husband loves her better than mine does, look how happy she is.") We may withhold love from him, speak sarcastically or be snippy (as my mom would say), or eventually even give up on having a good marriage. All this because our husbands didn't fulfill what we expected of them. I think much of our disappointment & unhappiness is because we expect the impossible!

I do love my husband very much, yet I have to stop expecting him to fulfill my every desire to feel loved & happy.

In the book, the author states, "Apart from Christ I can do no good thing, because apart from Christ I wither as I try to make my husband fill me. When I do this I drain my husband and my marriage."   Whether you're a believer in Jesus or not, don't we all do this? We have these expectations of others, & in the process of trying to get someone to fill them, we just end up draining that person of any ability to make us feel loved. No matter what they are doing, it's not enough because I don't feel fulfilled. I would also argue that many times these expectations are subconscious. I don't think any of us would say aloud, "My husband should completely fulfill me, make me supremely happy, & cater to my every need & desire. And if he doesn't I am disappointed." Yet these beliefs are rooted in us. We all are looking for something to fill our love tanks! As I've been thinking about this concept, I've realized that it's not just limited to our husbands.

Maybe something I am looking to is this little boy we're about to welcome to the world. What if he doesn't complete me? What if something happens to him? What if he doesn't love me the way I wish he would? What if he doesn't fulfill my expectations?

We are constantly looking to something or someone to make us feel loved. Maybe it's a job, a friendship, a child, a romantic relationship, approval of the public, a group you lead, your family members, or any other number of things! The unfortunate fact is that when we look to our husbands or any of these other sources for complete fulfillment, we are just draining that which can contribute to our happiness. A husband isn't bad, a child isn't bad, etc. But when we put these expectations of 'this will fill me!' on anything, not only are we disappointed, but the object of our expectations is drained because the bottom line is (fill in the blank) was never intended to be our source of complete happiness. 

 

Look at this cake I made! Another thing I know I look to is approval from others. If others give me praise or validate my efforts, I feel happy... temporarily. But it's just never enough to hold me over for long periods of time...

The author goes on to give a little insight into the cure for our disappointment: "God has taught me what it means to live for an audience of one. Instead of trying to be a good wife to win my husband's approval, trying to be a good mom to win my kids' approval, and trying to be a good friend to win my friends' approval, I now simply try to please God. I seek only His favor & follow His precepts. In doing this I am a good wife, a good mom, & a good friend." 

I'm gradually learning to stop relying on others for approval & fulfillment. If God approves, if God fulfills me, then I am free to live without expecting the impossible from others. 

Where are you looking today for fulfillment & happiness? Can you see how in doing so, you may actually be draining not only yourself, but that source? Let's try this week to let that person go of our impossible expectations. I'm praying for you!

Baby Shower for Nemo

We recently had family in from all over & threw the best shower for Baby Nemo ever! I have some amazing friends & family who helped prepare & plan the shower. I wanted it to be more of a gathering instead of a shower, so we didn't have games or open presents, but just ate a bunch of food & hung out! I thought it was fun & I hope the guests did too...

My dad brought a Nemo to fit right in! I think we'll hang this in his room eventually. =)

Lauren made these fun paper flowers, my Aunt Karen sent beautiful flowers, & we printed my monthly belly progress to display!



Aunt Linda made a diaper cake that fit perfectly with the other yummy treats baked by Laura!



Laura made a Fruit Baby! And Amanda made fruit kabobs. Spiced up the usually boring paper products table!

Lauren made signs for the different tables: B is for Beverages, D is for Desserts, etc.

W is for Wishes table: Had sonogram pictures & Laura printed these cute wishes the guests could fill out. Took the place of traditional baby shower games, but still let guests participate in a baby activity if they wanted!

W is for Wishes activity

Family hangin' out!

O is for Onesies: Guests could decorate a baby onesie if they wanted! We sure had some awesome creative ladies here!!

Pirate in Training & Stars

Back of Pirate in Training

Some of the bigger onesies- I can't wait till Nemo can fit in these!

Front...

Back! Hehehe

What a perfect weather day! We all sat outside comfortably!

Some of my amazing friends!

And of course some of the beautiful women in my family

Thank you to everyone who came & made the party so enjoyable, and thank you for blessing Nemo so much!!


Nemo is such a lucky boy to already have so much love in his life!

 

Only 44 more days until he's supposed to get here!

May, June & July Dates!

May: Thomas Lakes Hike & Smoke BBQ
This was one of the dates I was most excited about! You can probably see why from my new cover picture. The beautiful mountain & lake shot above? Ya, a real picture from our hike! Thomas Lakes is near our property in Carbondale, but we've never been hiking up there! So, we took a weekend & went up to Carbondale to remedy that. I absolutely love our short weekend retreats. No cell phone or internet service, no TV (maybe 2 channels on a good day), & God's beautiful creation staring you in the face. We went biking into town, & spent one whole day hiking. It was a bit windy, but was beautiful when we reached the lakes! One evening we went to one of our favorite restaurants up there- Smoke BBQ. Yum!

Getting ready to ride into Carbondale

Mt Sopris in the background

Getting comfy to watch a movie

Must have brownies!

On the way up to Thomas Lakes

The best we could do to capture both of us at the lake

Dinner at Smoke BBQ!

Yes we picked the right day to go hiking! Here's the mountain the next day!

June: Dinner & a Movie
A simple date, yet I'm sure one of Michael's favorites! Dinner at Texas Roadhouse (hello great dinner special!) & a movie with some discount tickets we bought from Groupon. Yes we ordered the Bloomin' Onion (the only onion we'll ever eat!) & being pregnant, I figure calories don't count. Plus, c'mon, it's date night!! Our next date will be to work out together to work off the Bloomin' Onion calories... ;-)

July: Dinner at Chick-fil-A & Shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond
We had a gift card to Bed Bath & Beyond from Christmas that we were waiting to use until we got into our new house. We got all kinds of fun goodies! A trash can (wa-hoo!), new wooden spoons (bye bye dollar store spoons), pie weights & shield (I call pie duty for Thanksgiving!), metal skewers, a memory foam kitchen mat (my feet love you), a drying mat (we got rid of our rack a long time ago, it takes up too much space), a tea ball for loose leaf tea, some hooks for our potholders & aprons, & some sink stoppers. I love shopping especially when it's free!! 
My plan was to get smoothies, but then we found a coupon for a free milk shake at Chick-fil-A, & if you know anything about my husband, you know it's hard for him to resist Chick-fil-A. So, we got a whole dinner & milk shakes! 

Wow would you look at that belly! Sheesh.

Chick-fil-A!

Our new goodies!

What Makes a Home?

"Home is where the heart is." Aww, doesn't that sound sweet? I'm sure that's partially true, but home is also a place you hang your pictures, a place you feel comfortable to walk around half naked, a place you feel ownership & responsibility, & of course a place your puppy accepts as his place to lounge around. I'm so happy & thankful to report: We've finally found it! We have been in transition for awhile & seemed we have just been waiting to actually have a home.

 We had a great first house at Perry Street; it will always be our first home. But living on a busy corner took away our privacy & the sense of ownership & responsibility we wanted to feel, but just didn't. We didn't like being outside working in the yard while cars constantly drove by staring at us & playing obnoxious music. We knew pretty soon after we moved in that it was a temporary place for us. But thank God we had that experience. We learned more clearly what we were looking for & had many wonderful times with wonderful people in that house.

After the Lord worked a miracle & found us a buyer who paid our asking price, we set out to find the home we daydreamed about. God worked so quickly on our behalf that we didn't have time to find our next place! So our focus shifted for awhile to find a temporary place before we could move into the home we hadn't yet found. An amazing couple from our church offered to let us stay in their newly rennovated duplex for as long as we needed & it fit our budget! We were able to move in & out as needed & it served us perfectly. So THANK YOU Brian & Maria! I hope your generosity comes back to you a thousand times over!

The temporary duplex really was a HUGE blessing, however sometimes even blessings can be a bit... heavy.  Take, for example, having a child. What a blessing! But is it easy & sprinkled with fairy dust all the time? Doubtful. Or, maybe, take the recent Colorado wildfires. In a strange way the fires may actually be a blessing. The forest needed to be resurrected, & to do that it had to die first. Does it make it a light blessing that many, including my aunt & her husband, must rebuild the homes they lost? No, but the blessing is found in what could be, what's ahead, & the love that spread throughout our community. Take the death of a young woman in the midst of pain, suffering, & tears as her body was overtaken by a monster we call cancer. Sometimes death can be a blessing in that we believe she has been released from the burden of the impurities of this world & is in Heaven rejoicing! But is that so-called blessing easy for those of us left here? By no means! My point is that blessings may just be a gift from God, given for our good, but they may be wrapped in something other than a bow. Blessings may not always fit our definition of perfect, or come as we expect them too. 

On a much smaller scale, seeing the blessing was a struggle for me through this whole moving process. I know, especially now looking back, that God had this blessing of our new house waiting for us, but it didn't mean the process of getting here was easy. We were living in what, at times, felt like a storage unit, we didn't know when we would find a new house, there were some life challenges thrown in the mix, & on top of all that I was trying to handle pregnancy!

It's funny how God has a way of speaking to you in just the way you need at the time if you're willing to listen. Throught this time, my small group was discussing 2 topics from the book of Psalms: God is our Refuge & God is Responsive.

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." ~Psalm 91:1

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue & honor them. I will reward them with a long life & give them my salvation.'" ~Psalm 91: 14-16

"The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time." Psalm 34:19

"How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, & he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me." ~Psalm 116:5-7

Now, after waiting for a time, we have received an easy blessing: our new home! And it really is perfect for us. We hope you all have a chance to see it soon, but here are some highlights: fireplace, covered deck, sprinkler system, garden area, master suite with WALK IN CLOSET LADIES!!, attached 2 car garage, quiet neighborhood, room in the basement for Mike's workout equipment so it's not in the middle of the living room (thank God!), & so much more! (Before & After pictures coming soon!) We got a great price & closing went smoothly, & now it's our home! I know on the grand scale of things, this "challenging" time is nothing compared to what others have had to face, but nevertheless, it was our little challenge. But oh Lord what a blessing worth waiting for!

Front View

Backyard

P.S. Nemo is happy to be in his new home at 6 months!! =)

24 Weeks!

Yesterday we hit 24 weeks pregnant! It's sort of unbelievable to think we're more than half way through this. I feel like my belly has popped out. I do like the size I am now. Not too big where I'm waddling (yet) but big enough where it's obvious I'm pregnant (not questioning if I've just ate a few too many donuts).

In the background you'll see the storage unit that is our home at the moment. More to come on that later...

We also recently found out that Baby Hollar is a boy! I think Michael is happy, although he promised he would be happy either way. I, on the other hand, am quite intimidated with the idea of having a male. There are so few boys in my family that I'm not sure I know what to do with them! My dad has 3 sisters & my mom is an only child. I have 1 sister & 2 female cousins, one of which just had a baby girl. This boy thing is as foreign to me as the rules for Bridge. I know I've seen it before, but not quite sure I can follow the strategy for it. Thank goodness I did babysit quite a few boys growing up & I just have this sense that if you let them get a little messy, you're doing a good job. Bugs, trucks, dirt, wrestling, & sports are sure to be in our future.

A side view of our little one. All the circles on the left side are his arms & legs curled up.

His pudgy cheeks & chin

Yup! He's a boy!! Someday he's gonna be so embarrassed. Awesome!!!

He has 5 toes!

We're still debating a name, so for now we've labeled him Nemo. Michael likes it because of the character Captain Nemo in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, & of course my mind goes to the cute little orange & white striped fish from Finding Nemo. Either way, works as a nickname for us. We will probably keep Nemo's real name to ourselves until he's born. Too many risks in revealing his name to the general public. Plus, I think it's a bit strange when people talk about their child like it's around & then you find out it's unborn. That may have happened to me. Let me tell you: awkward!

              

Eh, either way...

I made secret gender-reveal cupcakes for our coworkers & our small group. I mixed a little blue food coloring in the batter, wrapped them in polka-dot cupcake liners, & topped them with yellow & green icing. They had to take a bite to find out the gender! That was fun!

Now all we need is a house! Which we're working on. God is challenging us right now, but when I take just a second & think about all the blessings in our life, I am humbled & happy. What a good God we serve, who would give us so much in this life. I am in awe daily at how blessed we are.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4

Thank you God!!